karenesia.

the Book of Mormon - a book from God

2012-02-08T21:42:00.000-08:00

"The Book of Mormon - a Book from God," Tad D. Callister, October 2012 General Conference Sunday Morning Session

"[The Book of Mormon] is either the word of God as professes, or it is a total fraud. This book does not merely claim to be a moral treatise or theological commentary or collection of insightful writings. It claims to be the word of God - every sentence, every verse, every page." - The first time I read the Book of Mormon through was when I was six years old. I remember distinctly feeling it my mission that year of my life to read the gigantic coffee table version of that scripture, and I took it with me everywhere as it was taking me much longer than my impatient six year old self wanted. I remember lugging it with me around the house along with my bears, Bucky and Freckle (who were of course best friends), and most notably taking the giant book with me on our family's infamous camping trip where our campsite was overrun by yellow jackets and where I thought I lost it, but soon discovered that I had placed it in my pillow case for safe keeping when resting my tear stained face on my pillow at night. I loved that book then, and I love it now. I will be honest and say that my young self did not understand those words the way I do now, but I understood them enough to know that they meant something, and meant something real that helped me in my life. I remember praying to my Heavenly Father that He would help me be able to read the words that were difficult to read, and that I would know that book was true. Those same prayers are often repeated now, nearly seventeen years later. He told me it was then, and His spirit continued to testify of that truth to me as I grew older. I do not think that my earnest prayers as a six year old will ever be truly matched by the prayers I offer up now as an adult who has been tainted by the world and has been cloaked more by the veil that separates me from my Father in Heaven. I remember the feeling I got when I read that book then, and during the times in my life where I wondered where He was I knew He was there because those feelings have never changed for me. That Book is true. That Book is from Him to help me, and all of us return to Him. He loves us, and He shows us that through His book that testifies so beautifully of the grace, the mercy, and the charity of His Gospel and His sacrifice of His only Begotten. There is no middle ground because I know, with such a surety that it feels as though my entire body and spirit is filled to capacity with all that is good in the world, that the Book of Mormon speaks truth and enlightens the mind to ideas and principles that can only be from our Father in Heaven.

I encourage you all to read this talk (linked above), and to read the Book of Mormon because, "Together with the Bible, the Book of Mormon is an indispensable witness of the doctrines of Christ and His divinity. Together with the Bible, it 'teach[es] all men that they should do good' (2 Nephi 33:10). And together with the Bible, it brings us to 'one Lord, one faith, one baptism.' That is why the Book of Mormon is so crucial in our lives." I testify that it is true and this is my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

on my heart, as of late.

2012-01-30T16:10:00.000-08:00

"Never can I repay thee, Lord,

But I can love thee."

-Hymns no. 112

As of late I have been thinking a lot about this, and it has resulted from my focus on becoming a witness to the pain of the world through increased exposure to what the daily reality is for so many people everywhere. When I see what war has done to this world, to the people who fight in wars, to the people who are labeled as "collateral damage," to the animals implicated by humans' actions during wars, to the children who know nothing other than violence, to the babies born disfigured because of what we have created to help us "win" wars, I cannot separate their anguish, their pain from the misery that Christ suffered for them. I think this is, in part, what makes me feel so compelled to try and alleviate some of the suffering in the world. While my drive to make change is complex, it is based on two basic feelings: I love my Lord, and I love my brothers and sisters. I feel that these are inextricably bound together in this life, and that my eternal welfare is in turn bound to the welfare of my brothers and sisters around the world, and that because of this there is an anguish, a guilt, a pang to do something when I see the images of war. Of suffering. Of sadness. Of destruction. All these wrought on people by people The only way I know of loving the Lord is by following His example, devoting my heart to Him and my Father. While I know that the agony He underwent was not in vain, it pains me to think that I contribute to it by not trying to stop some of the suffering that occurs in the world at the hands of those who are oftentimes ignorant and do not know another way of functioning, of living. I cannot change the world. I cannot change the destiny of it. But I think I can help to change a person's experience here on this Earth, one at a time, by me loving them the best I can.

2012-01-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

waiting upon the lord: thy will be done

2012-01-25T21:24:00.000-08:00

"Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done," Elder Robert D. Hales, October 2011 General Conference Sunday Morning Session

"His [Christ's] preparation began in the premortal life as He waited upon His Father, saying, 'Thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.' Beginning in that moment and continuing today, He exercises His agency to accept and carry out our Heavenly Father's plan." - I feel as though I have always known that the Savior chose not to sin, and instead chose the righteous path, but to put it in the same terms as for ourselves - that He was using His agency to go about the Father's business put it in an entirely new perspective for me, especially because Elder Hales included that He is still actively surrendering His will to Heavenly Father's today. Our willingness to give up our own Earthly desires to make them more in accordance with God's plans for us and other's is something that will not end when we leave this Earth - the work will continue after we die.

"...even when he [Joseph Smith] was seemingly alone, he exercised his agency to wait upon the Lord and carry out his Heavenly Father's will." - It's okay for us to feel alone sometimes, and to wonder where God is in what we see as our moment of greatest need as long as we continue to wait on Him with faith that He will help in His time, but perhaps not our own.

"What, then, does it mean to wait upon the Lord? In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end."

"Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves." - I love this, because it reminds me that I need to look at everyone around me as one of the Lord's beloved; someone who He suffered for, someone who He knows personally, and someone who He loves and values. If He was willing to do that for them, then I should be able to not judge them. It also reminds me to look at myself that way, too. Something very difficult for me, and most people, I think.

Painting: "Friends" by Liz Lemon Swindle

a witness.

2012-01-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

"A Witness," President Henry B. Eyring, October 2011 General Conference Sunday Morning Session

"The Lord is keeping His promise to you as you keep yours. As you serve others for Him, He lets you feel HIs love. And in time, feelings of charity become part of your very nature. And you will receive the assurance of Mormon in your heart as you persist in serving others in life that all will be well with you."

"...the effect of the Book of Mormon on your character, power, and courage to be a witness for God is certain. The doctrine and the valiant examples in that book will lift, guide, and embolden you." - I have a testimony that as we study the Book of Mormon we will grow closer to our Savior, which will in turn allow us to understand our own potential as sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. When I read the Book of Mormon, I feel closer to Him and to my Savior which illuminates the reality of my divine nature, which in turn brings me a confidence in my beliefs and my actions that I cannot gain elsewhere. It is through this understanding of who I am and how my Heavenly Father and Savior will help me spread the Gospel that I am able to do just that.

dare to stand alone.

2012-01-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

"Dare to Stand Alone," President Thomas S. Monson, October 2011 General Conference Priesthood Session

"What a wonderful gift we have been given...the priesthood, which is 'inseparably connected with the powers of heaven.'" - One of the steps to getting ready to attend the temple is to gain a greater understanding of the Priesthood and the powers it holds. I've been doing this, and as I study more about what the Priesthood unlocks, not only for the worthy men who hold it, but for all members of the Church I am astounded with how interconnected we can be to God through its powers. When I think of when I have felt closest to my Heavenly Father and my Savior it is through some pretty wonderful prayers that I've said, but especially during blessings of comfort, healing blessings, and most powerfully, through my Patriarchal blessing. Nothing tells me that my Heavenly Father is really listening more than hearing those things come out of another worthy man's mouth during a blessing that I have only consulted with my Father in Heaven about.

"Brethren, none within the sound of my voice should be in any doubt concerning what is moral and what is not, nor should any be in doubt about what is expected of us as holders or the priesthood of God. We have been and continue to be taught God's laws. Despite what you may see or hear elsewhere, these laws are unchanging."

"...it is essential that we are able to face-with courage-whatever challenges come our way. Remember the words of Tennyson: 'My strength is as the strength of ten, because my heart is pure.'"

"Whether you are 12 or 112 - or anywhere in between - you can know for yourself that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. Read the Book of Mormon. Ponder its teachings. Ask Heavenly Father if it is true. We have the promise that 'if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.'"

preparation in the priesthood: "i need your help"

2012-01-21T23:28:00.000-08:00

"Preparation in the Priesthood: 'I Need Your Help'," President Henry B. Eyring, October 2012 General Conference Priesthood Session

"...our Heavenly Father has been preparing us since we were taught at His knee in His kingdom before we were born." - I love this image! I think that all of us have the ability to recognize truth when we diligently seek it and are ready to accept it because we were taught those truths before we came to this Earth to live this part of our eternal existence.

"First, [the Lord] calls people, young and old, who may appear to worldly eyes, and even to themselves, to be weak and simple. The Lord can turn those apparent shortcomings into strengths." - In Ether 12, we are taught this principle, but one of my new favorite parts is something my friend, Ryan, pointed out to me in a different blog post a while back. In verse 39 the Lord speaks to Ether in "plain humility," which "is reverence and respect in the presence of the lowest, not the highest, of God's creatures" (Hugh Nibley). The Lord knows how to turn those things that we view as weaknesses into our strengths, and it is His ability to do this - to see past them and instead to look at our potential that allows Him to have plain humility even around us - people who make mistakes on such a regular basis.

"Paul gave good counsel for all of us. Don't worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord's help, you can become."

"I can't be a perfect servant every hour, but I can try to give more effort than I thought I could."

providing in the Lord's way.

2012-01-20T21:46:00.000-08:00

"Providing in the Lord's Way," President Diter F. Uchtdorf, General Conference October 2011 Priesthood Session

Preface: I'm putting a lot of my own thoughts at the bottom of this, so enjoy some of what I thought were the highlights from President Uchtdorf's talk.

"...I believe that in the Lord's plan, our commitment to welfare principles should be at the very root of our faith and devotion to Him."

"The Lord...is not only interested in our immediate needs; He is also concerned about our eternal progression. For this reason, the Lord's way has always included self-reliance and service to our neighbor in addition to caring for the poor."

"As many prophets have instructed us over the years, the welfare principles of the Church are not simply good ideas; they are revealed truths from God - they are His way of helping the needy."

"Whether we are rich or poor, regardless of where we live on this globe, we all need each other, for it is in sacrificing our time, talents, and resources that our spirits mature and become refined."

"Unfortunately, there are those who overlook the temporal because they consider it less important. They treasure the spiritual while minimizing the temporal. While it is important to have our thoughts incline toward heaven, we miss the essence of our religion if our hands are not also incline toward our fellowman."

As I think everyone close to me (and probably anyone who reads this blog) knows, giving of ourselves and our means to others is something very close to my heart and is something that I have a very strong testimony of that burns within my heart and that I try to manifest in my daily actions, speech, and world view. I believe so fervently that if we devoted more of our efforts on looking at those around us as God's children, with the potential to be divine, we would treat each other differently in the most amazing of ways and we could see the coming to pass of God's kingdom on Earth. A lot of people think I'm idealistic, and I have been told more than once that I cannot do anything to change the coming to pass of widespread wickedness around the world, but I firmly believe that by loving others better and more I can help individuals come to understand the love that Christ has for them. In the Book of Mormon, one of the most inspirational historical accounts I can think of is the City of Enoch, where Enoch led his people in righteousness so much so that he established the city of Zion, which lasted for three hundred and sixty-five years until "God received it up into his own bosom" (Moses 7:69). While I do not think I have the power to create Zion on Earth, I do find it inspirational that, after seeing the horror that was to become of the Earth, despite the fact that wickedness was still going on in other places on Earth and would continue on through its history, Enoch was not discouraged and knew that for his people he could make a difference and they were able to do what many seem impossible - live in the most Godly of ways man can while in mortal existence that they were able to live once again with their Heavenly Father. I know the world is going to be filled with sin, with hatred, with horrible actions by humankind towards one another, but I feel like we can all do our part to make our little worlds as happy and close to Heavenly Father's as we can. I am not perfect at this. Far from, actually, as anyone around me can tell you where I falter. But it is something I certainly strive for.

You can find out the complete history of the Church welfare system by buying these books.

the opportunity of a lifetime.

2012-01-18T11:37:00.000-08:00

"The Opportunity of a Lifetime," W. Christopher Waddell, October 2012 General Conference Priesthood Session

"While many of these experiences and lessons may be common to missionary service, each mission is unique, with challenged and opportunities that stretch and test us according to our particular needs and personalities." - Whenever I read Priesthood session talks, which tend to focus (unsurprisingly) around subjects that relate particularly well to men in the Church, I try to apply those same lessons to my own life. This quote comes after he mentions the exit interview given to missionaries at the culmination of their service. While I'll most likely not go on a mission (at least as a young, single woman), I feel that the lesson taught here - that a mission will provide us with incredible experiences in such a short amount of time is certainly applicable to the mission all of us have on Earth and that all of us are currently serving, members and otherwise. Everyone on Earth has chosen to be here to gain a body and, in an extremely short period of time relative to the years we spent with Heavenly Father before Earth and the eternities we hope to spend with him after earth, we learn incredible lessons that were catered to our very needs and personalities that will assist us as we move on to the Millennium and Eternal Life.

While I (and I'm assuming most people who read this blog) won't be going on missions anytime soon, the guidance given by Elder Waddell regarding preparation for missionary service can apply to where we should be at in terms of spirituality.

1. Arrive on your mission with your own testimony of the Book of Mormon, obtained through study and prayer. - Something I have learned is that it requires continual study of the Book of Mormon to reaffirm the testimony I already have of it. The confirmation I have received that it is true and testifies of the Savior is still there, but if I stop studying its words than that feeling from the Holy Ghost diminishes.

2. Arrive on your mission worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. - Members of the Church have been blessed to have the constant companionship of a member of the Godhead, and the importance of that cannot be exaggerated enough.

3. Arrive on your mission ready to work. - While we cannot devote the amount of time every day tat full time missionaries do to spreading the Gospel and studying it, we can realize that everything we do can be devoted to the Lord in some way, shape, or form. All good things point to Christ and the reality of a Heavenly Father watching down on us, if we but look for them.

the power of the aaronic priesthood.

2012-01-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

"The Power of the Aaronic Priesthood," Keith B. McMullin, October 2012 General Conference Priesthood Session

"Speaking of His duty, our Lord said: 'I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father.' 'I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.' Because Jesus Christ performed His duty, 'all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.'..this is the standard we are to follow." - To me, this is extremely powerful because of the truth that is behind these words. I will never forget when, while reading Jesus the Christ, I realized that Jesus, like all of us, had to discover what His mission was on this Earth. I am sure that while He must have had an idea of who He was, to receive that confirmation and to know that it was His duty to carry that out must have been an incredible burden of which we will never have any comprehension. All of us have come to this Earth "not to do [our] own will[s], but the will of him that sent [us]." We are all trying to figure out what that is, and how we may best go about accomplishing that, which for me has been a process that has been more overwhelming than anything else in my life as well as simultaneously humbling. As the thought, "How I am to accomplish these things?" inevitably runs through my mind, I think of the reality of the Savior "descending below all things" and having a burden of a mission so much greater than mine. He knows what I am feeling. He knows my weaknesses even better than I do, but Him and my Father in Heaven still trust me to do what I know I must and have been told to do through my Father's guidance to me during my personal prayer. There are certain things that only we are here to do, and no one else is able to do them in the exact same way as we are, and I have come to believe very strongly that if we have faith in God and follow the Lord's example of "praying always" we will counter the inevitable self-doubt with the more powerful ability to do whatever is asked of us through undying faith in our Father's ability to help us accomplish whatever we must do.

"Shun profane and foolish chatter.

Flee all evil.

Avoid contention.

Repent where needed."

admitting it is the first step.

2012-01-17T14:30:00.000-08:00

I have limited myself to going on Facebook once a week, on Saturdays.

I have almost typed in www.facebook.com about 3,429 times out of habit since I made this rule for myself last Friday.

This is why I'm now only going on Facebook to keep in touch with others once a week - I have a 'diction, as my lovely nieces and nephews like to say.

we are all enlisted.

2012-01-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

"We are All Enlisted," Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, October 2012 General Conference Priesthood Session

"We don't talk about the adversary any more than we have to, and I don't like talking about him at all, but the experience of young Joseph reminds us of what every man, including every young man, in this audience needs to remember." - I love Elder Holland for his ability to talk about the things that are hard to talk about! It's scary to recognize the power the adversary has on this world, and on parts of our hearts that we have yet to submit to the Lord's will - those parts of our hearts that are more focused on material things, worldly success, and taking pleasure in things that draw us away from the spirit and the building up of God's kingdom. However much we may know that he is there, and that he is doing many things to harm the children of God we rarely talk about him.

"Such speech, the early brethren taught, would be the means by which faith's 'mightiest works have been, and will be performed.'" - The opening of hearts to the Gospel is the mightiest work in this life - indeed, it is in bringing the Gospel to others that we are contributing to God's "work and glory" that will in turn bring about our own.

perfect love casteth out fear.

2012-01-15T22:28:00.000-08:00

"Perfect Love Casteth Out Fear," Elder L. Tom Perry, October 2011 General Conference Saturday Afternoon Session

"...we must be bold in our declaration of Jesus Christ. We want others to know that we believe He is the central figure in all human history...Only through Jesus Christ is salvation possible. That is why we believe He is the central figure in all human history. Our eternal destiny is always in His hands. It is a glorious thing to believe in Him and accept Him as our Savior, our Lord, and our Master." - I especially like the last part of this - that it is a glorious thing to believe in Him and accept Him into our lives. Believing in the Savior, and taking that belief and using it within our lives to transform ourselves, our hearts, our souls is indeed glorifying who we are and making our spirits unite with our Father in Heaven as we recognize where we come from, who we really are, and our infinite potential as His daughters and sons here on Earth. To think of someone else as your Master is not something that many people are fond of doing, but when we turn over our will and instead form it to the Lord's will we actually become the Master of our souls. The Gospel, I feel, is full of these paradoxes that bring happiness and joy into my life as I strive to more fully understand them and implement the principles in my life.

"Simply remember the words of John: 'There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear' (1 John 4:18). If we simply love God and love our neighbors, we are promised that we will overcome our fears."

"There is sometimes a wide difference - a gulf of understanding - between the way we experience the Church from the inside and the way others look at it from the outside." - I think that the only way to overcome this 'gulf of understanding' is to be open about what we believe, how it impacts our lives for the better, and how we struggle just as others do, but that it's the Gospel that brings us peace, joy, and comfort.

Please check out the "My Faith" section on the right hand side of the page (or click here) to learn why I'm a Mormon. :)

the divine gift of repentance.

2012-01-13T21:10:00.000-08:00

"The Divine Gift of Repentance," Elder D. Todd Christofferson, October 2011 General Conference Saturday Afternoon Session.

"Their doctrine is that values, standards, and even truth are all relative. Thus, whatever one feels is right for him or her cannot be judged by others to be wrong or sinful." - This has been something I have seen many struggle with recently around me; particularly because they often confuse acceptance and tolerance and love and conflate them together. (I am not immune to this habit). Oftentimes I look around me and think, how can I tell other people what they're doing is wrong when they really aren't hurting anyone else but themselves? What I have come to learn, recently, is that even if I can't, the Lord can and while I may recognize sin in others I still should not judge them because I don't know the circumstances that have led to that sin. There are eternal truths. There are black and white matters in this world. Not everything is, but there are certainly principles that will forever be unchanged by our Heavenly Father, and even those laws that may have changed over time are not for our examination or judgment because God's "ways higher than [our] ways, and [His] thoughts than [our] thoughts" (Isaiah 55:9). The Lord preached love of all men, regardless of their choices, but that does not necessitate accepting their sins as being anything other than such. However, our knowledge of their lifestyle choices should not influence how much we devote of ourselves to them and how we treat them or think about them. Like we learned on Sunday from President George Albert Smith, "I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the the thing that is right."

"Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain."

"Repentance...points us to freedom, confidence, and peace."

"The choice to repent is a choice to burn bridges in every direction [having determined] to follow forever only one way, the one path that leads to eternal life." - Professor Noel Reynolds

something to think about.

2012-01-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite Op-ed columnists, Nicholas Kristof, commented on a policy statement made by the American Academy of Pediactrics that basically said children who are not only raised in toxic environments before the age of five but are in utero of women who are subject to those same environments have a higher chance of perpetuating such circumstances in their own lives and the lives of their future children. Ultimately, love, affection, and hugs really do go a long way for the family and child.

One of the hardest and simultaneously wonderful parts of being in Mozambique was the time each night we spent at the orphanage for babies (3 years and under). When I went in, I noticed quickly something that has long-since impacted me - almost none of the newborns were crying. If one was crying, it would stop after only a short period of time because all of them, despite their short time on Earth, had already learned that it would yield no comfort. There were just too many babies and too few attendants, so the babies who were about to die were given top priority of getting held. Considering the prevalence of orphaned and broken homes children are born into in Africa, and throughout the developing world, I can only imagine the massive enlightenment this article brings to a continent that just has not been able to overcome poverty, strife, war, violence, and anger within their governments and throughout their people.

I highly recommend reading this article, titled A Poverty Solution that Starts with a Hug, to understand in a very realistic way what some of the causes of poverty are and how we can help. I think the best cure is to give your love to others by how you treat them, which may help them decide to change how they live and treat others. It certainly can't hurt.

redemption.

2012-01-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

"Redemption," Legrand R. Curtis, Jr., October 2011 General Conference Saturday Afternoon Session

"I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee." - Isaiah 44:22

"President John Taylor taught that because of the Redeemer's sacrifice, 'the debt is paid, the redemption made, the covenant fulfilled, justice satisfied, the will of God done, and all power is...given into the hands of the Son of God." - Part of our redemption is secured for us regardless of what we do. All of us will be resurrected, but not all of us choose to overcome the spiritual death that the separation from our Heavenly Father will bring. What is wonderful is that we can choose to overcome that death by giving over our agency to our Father - the one thing that is truly ours.

"Never can I repay thee, Lord,

But I can love thee." - Hymn #112

it is better to look up.

2012-01-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

"It is Better to Look Up," Carl B. Cook, October 2011 General Conference Saturday Afternoon Session

"As [President Monson and I] parted, the words of a scripture came to mind: 'Believe in God; believe that he is...; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth.' As I thought of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ's power, my heart found the comfort I had sought in vain from the floor of that descending elevator." - This reminds me of myself quite a bit, as I have always thought myself to be a rather self-sufficient person. Oftentimes I know that I look to what at the time I think are my own faculties (which I later re-realize are given to me from my Father in Heaven) to solve my current troubles or challenges, instead of looking towards the strength that time and time again God and Jesus Christ have given me when I have asked. Indeed, I have a testimony that the atonement is certainly not only for the remission of sins but for the restoration of soul in times of need and trouble. He will make up all the parts for us, including the parts in trials we can't come up with ourselves It reminds me of a scripture I'm sure I've written before - Romans 8:39 - "Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." This is of such comfort to me and simultaneously calls me to ensure that my heart is drawn towards my Savior's continuously because while no one and nothing else can separate me from my Savior and the love of God - I can. It is only through us intentionally hardening our hearts that we can become separated from those beautiful gifts.

"We are Heavenly Father's children. He wants to be part of our lives, to bless us, and to help us. He will heal our wounds, dry our tears, and help us along our path to return to His presence. As we look to Him, He will lead us:

The Lord is my light; then why should I fear?
By day and by night his presence is near...
He is my joy and my song.
By day and by night he leads...me along."

Image courtesy of: http://www.jan-toorop.com/artwork/434

2012 motto of my year.

2012-01-02T22:58:00.000-08:00

My family started reading the New Testament after dinner to start up family scripture study again. Even though I can't be with them to continue the study, I have decided to continue it on my own in combination with Book of Mormon study each night. While reading Matthew 10, I found a verse which, to me, sounded like a perfect motto for my year. While I am not big on New Year's Resolutions, I am big on writing down ideas and principles I want to live by, and whose principles better to mold my life around than those given by my Savior during His ministry on Earth? My motto this year is found in verse 8:

"Freely ye have received, freely give."

I truly have been given so much, and I hope that I can live up to such a commandment from my Savior.

a time to prepare.

2012-01-02T22:42:00.000-08:00

Ian S. Ardern, "A Time to Prepare," Saturday Afternoon Session October 2011 Conference

"Mastering the techniques needed to reach our goals includes becoming the master manager of our time." In our Gospel we are taught that our time on this Earth (a central part of our Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness) is but a moment in the eternal perspective, however it is of the utmost importance. Because of that, I think it's really important that we manage my time here to include those things that matter most at the top my priority list and place those things that are less important below them. Thinking of this always reminds me of the story of Christ visiting Mary and Martha at their home told in Luke Chapter 10, mostly because I always think of myself as a Mary, constantly thinking about cleaning the kitchen instead of worshiping my Heavenly Father and sitting at the Savior's feet to learn from Him. Since I was 12, I've tried to become more like Martha, because even though Mary was a very righteous women who was the Savior's friend she became to "cumbered about" with the tasks of life rather than the tasks of her spiritual self. It's sometimes hard for me to separate what is integral to my spiritual development and what will be of importance only here in this life, so that has been something I have worked on for ten years. I'm still not done working on it, and I'm sure I'll be working on it until I die.

"President Brigham Young said, 'We are all indebted to God for the ability to use time to advantage, and he will require of us a strict account of [its] disposition."

"I sense that some are trapped in a new time-consuming addiction - one that enslaves us to be constantly checking and sending social messages and thus giving the false impression of being busy and productive." - This is something I have worked on myself, since I felt I was spending too much time on Facebook (my only social media account). I deleted the application from my phone, and have restricted my time of using it, something I certainly haven't been perfect at keeping, but I am getting better.

best idea ever.

2011-12-04T17:16:00.001-08:00

Okay, maybe not ever. But it blew my mind with the possibility of this deliciousness. I cannot wait to try it!

From Chef Zakarian (currently a contestant on the Next Iron Chef: Super Chefs).

Egg in a Hole with Avocado

Ingredients:
One Avocado
Three organic egg yolks
Cornmeal, for dusting
Salt
Pepper
Smoked paprika
Lime juice
Fresh Cilantro
Butter
Freshly grated pecorino romano cheese
Extra virgin olive oil

Preparation:
Remove pit from avocado. Slice the avocado, with its skin, 1 inch thick, preserving the hole. There should be enough for three portions per avocado.

Warm the butter in a non-stick pan until it is bubbling.

Salt and pepper the avocado slices. Squeeze a bit of lime juice on them to prevent oxidation. Season both sides with smoked paprika and cornmeal. Place them in the buttered pan until golden on one side then flip. Once both sides are golden, gently add the eggs directly into the holes. Then place them in a 350 degree oven for three minutes. Serve with cilantro on top, sprinkled Pecorino Romano Cheese, and drizzled Exrtra Virgin Olive Oil.

to keep my sanity.

2011-12-02T20:44:00.001-08:00

And because I had a dream about the Berlusconi-Gadaffi Trade/Migration Agreement during a 30 minute nap, I need to share some awesome stuff I've learned this week that has nothing to do with my program. :)

1. Apparently turtles-to-be communicate while in their own little eggs to communicate when to hatch so they can all come out of the nest together. Heavenly Father's design of this world brings me a lot of joy a lot of the time.

2. Three years ago a New Yorker showed love to a stranger trying to mug him, and revealed that all people deserve it. I don't know how this popped up in my life so late, but it's wonderfully heart-warming nonetheless.

3. A rabbi talks about his respect of people with integrity - regardless of their faith. And it helps that he explains why us Mormons aren't any weirder than the rest of the world. :)

4. Nando's depicts Robert Mugabe kareoke-ing, water gunning and engaging in other fun activities with other dictators past and present.

5. As I was listening to NPR the other day they announced a kid's book club of the month. This month's book was one of my faves - The Phantom Tollbooth.

Enjoy all :) Toodles.

contradictions.

2011-12-01T17:23:00.001-08:00

I've been really frustrated with both political parties, lately, but I'm more frustrated with some of the continuing rhetoric that they have been spouting out that (to me) are just straight up contradictions.

A party that claims to be pro-life is also pro-death penalty.
A party that claims to want small government also wants to control people's bedrooms.
A party that is scared of Islamic shari'a law being incorporated into state law wants to use Christian morality to frame America's.
A President that claims he's for the people hires a Wall Street insider as the Secretary of the Treasury.
Both parties claim that America is strong because of diversity but are sealing up our borders from all immigration.
A party that claims it supports family values are splitting up families because one of the members engaged in what is essentially trespassing.
A government that condemns leaders of the Middle East for crushing organic social movements says nothing when police have battered peaceful protestors of our own.
A government that says they are protecting our Constitution break it to do so.
A President who says he wants change has kept in place those institutions which imprison, enslave, and torture.
A government that says it's pro human rights only believes they should be ensured for citizens within our territory.

And there are so, so many more. We, without a doubt, live in a state of exception. Everyone (on both sides) is playing into the game, whether they mean to or not. I just want people to be honest, care about others, and show that through actions. Is that too much to ask?

children.

2011-11-26T22:50:00.001-08:00

Neil A. Andersen, "Children," October 2011 General Conference Saturday Afternoon Session

"It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children." - The family is the essential building block for the kingdom of God, and is elemental in the foundation of a peaceful world.

"'I [Elder Mason] explained that I wanted to become a doctor. There was no alternative but to postpone having our family. Elder Kimball listened patiently and then responded in a soft voice, 'Brother Mason...With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?'" - While I have yet to encounter needing to utilize my faith in this aspect of life, I feel the question of "Where is your faith?" extremely poignant because it shows how prideful our hearts can become when we feel we know what's best and what our lives should hold for us. In all things we should counsel with the Lord, and He will guide us if we listen. It's essential to understand that while we may be making decisions which improve us and are considered to be good by many, they may not be what our Heavenly Father has in mind for our lives - which will undoubtedly prove to be greater if we but have faith in Him.

free speech.

2011-11-20T20:51:00.001-08:00

"There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part."

yes.

2011-11-18T10:17:00.001-08:00

the hearts of the children shall turn.

2011-11-15T10:13:00.001-08:00

David A. Bednar, "The Hearts of the Children Shall Turn," October 2011 General Conference Satruday Afternoon Session

"Thus, the introductory events of the Restoration revealed a correct understanding of the Godhead, emphasized the importance of the Book of Mormon, and anticipated the work of salvation and exaltation for both the living and the dead. This inspiring sequence is instructive about the spiritual matters of highest priority to Deity."

"You need not wait until you reach an arbitrary age to fulfill your responsibility to assist in the work of salvation for the human family."

"My beloved young brothers and sisters, family history is not simply an interesting program or activity sponsored by the Church; rather, it is a vital part of the work of salvation and exaltation. You have been prepared for this day and to build up the kingdom of God. You are here upon the earth now to assist in this glorious work."

I don't have much to say on top of what Elder Bednar said, because this is honestly something I struggle with igniting within my own soul. After reading this, however, I have decided to call the Mesa Temple to see if they have a standing time to do temple baptisms so that I can go regularly instead of only when the ward is scheduled to go. Also, I'm going to ask my Bishop if we have a family history class in our single's ward, so I can learn more about how to utilize the programs. (Elder Bednar did include a website - http://lds.org/youth/family-history in his talk that is probably valuable for everyone to look at).

you matter to him.

2011-11-13T21:21:00.001-08:00

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him," General Conference October 2011 Saturday Morning Session

"I know," [Moses] said, "that man is nothing." - Moses 1:10
"always retain in remembrance,the greatness of God, and your own nothingness." - Mosiah 4:11
"the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." - Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

How can we reconcile these two truths? By knowing that "...the vast expanse of eternity, the glories and mysteries of infinite space and time are all built for the benefit of ordinary mortals like you and me. Our heavenly Father created the universe that we might reach our potential as His sons and daughters. This is a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God. While against the backdrop of infinite creation we may appear to be nothing, we have a spark of eternal fire burning within our breast. We have the incomprehensible promise of exaltation - worlds without end - within our grasp. And it is God's great desire to help us reach it." - This reminds me that while I am nothing, and that the life I live is only a split second in the scheme of God's time, that what I do does matter, both to Him and to those around me because it is helping me along in my eternal progression as a soul who is of divine parents, not just as a mortal human being who is trying to make it through this life. I have the opportunity to learn as much as I can now to start on my eternal life which will be spent with my Father in Heaven. It is mind boggling at times to think about how small I am in the universe, and yet how much I know I matter to my Heavenly Father and my Savior. They love me. They know me as an individual, I know with a certainty that I loved them and spent time with them before I came to Earth and that we were great friends. It is my mission in this life to come to know them again as I knew them before, to see the face of God in my life as I accept the responsibilities and blessings of true discipleship and weave God's will into my own as I complete those tasks that seem mundane and at times meaningless. All things we do can be in thanksgiving to God, and every action can be a form of worship to Him.

Today in Gospel Doctrine we talked about what leads to apostasy, and I think Elder Uchtdorf hits that right on the head in this quote: "The great deceiver knows that one of his most effective tools in leading the children of God astray is to appeal to the extremes of the paradox of man. To some...he tells them they have transcended the ordinary and that because of ability, birthright, or social status, they are set apart from the common measure of all that surround them...Another way Satan deceives is through discouragement...He tells us that we are too small for anyone to take notice, that we are forgotten - especially by God."-Apostasy results from both pride and bitterness; pride in ourselves, and bitterness because we feel like no one takes notice or cares about us.

"God knows that some of the greatest souls who have ever lived are those who will never appear in the chronicles of history. They are blessed, humble souls who emulate the Savior's example and spend the days of their lives doing good."

"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him."

demand dignity.

2011-11-08T06:23:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I was privileged to go to the Amnesty International West Regional Conference in LA and participate in a number of events, panels, and workshops that were both educational and inspirational. While I was unable to go the panel discussion on the very topic which headlines this post, it was what I left feeling most passionate about, or, I suppose most accurately, re-passionate about.

I think I have subconsciously become more complacent with my humanitarian efforts because my brain knows that I am in graduate school studying social justice constantly, therefore I don't feel as much of a pressure to take active stances and participate in solving problems I know exist because I feel as though I just don't have the time to dedicate to them. The most important thing I learned from the conference is that this is not so, and that I need not be an inactivist (as Rainn Wilson described himself).

I am still planning on participating in the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Violence campaign, but I have decided to restart on remaining an activist when it comes to what are commonly referred to as first generational human rights, or rights to basic life-sustaining things such as food, water, shelter, and a job. These rights take a backseat to civil and political rights in the US, something that is very problematic considering the wealth of analysis, psychology, and other scholarly research that shows that basic human needs must be met before things like asserting your right to vote really matter. They must come together, at the very least and humanity deserves to have those things because, ultimately, we all have a right to dignity in our lives.

Economic, social, and cultural rights are those things which the US will not recognize as human rights because they believe them to be only citizen rights (and even then, only if you have enough capital to pay for them), a reality I find quite disturbing. Most recently, this belief has been manifested in the federal governments inaction in response to Alabama's HB 56 immigration law, which strips many human beings of their rights to basic utilities and services they are willing and do pay for because they do not have American citizenship. While the provision that does not allow undocumented immigrants to enter into any type of contract is disturbing in that it includes rental, water, electricity, and gas contracts perhaps the most upsetting is the provision requiring that students and parents provide proof of citizenship so their child can continue attending public school. The day after the bill was passed, according to Marielena Hincapie, 17% of Latino students did not attend school. The rights that these children and adults are not getting are not citizen rights, but human rights and as other human beings we should not be complacent in allowing other human beings to be treated in this manner. If this was happening in any other country, we would be pinpointing it as a travesty against human rights.

Every human being deserves access to their basic human rights, regardless of their country of origin and their current residence. We each have value and individual worth by merit of being unique spirits, brothers and sisters, and children of God and we deserve to all be treated with the acknowledgement of our divine nature manifested in our actions.

counsel to youth.

2011-11-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

Counsel to Youth, Boyd K. Packer, October General Conference 2011 Saturday Morning Session

"Nephi scolded his older brothers, saying, 'Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words.' Some critics have said that these verses are in error because you hear words; you do not feel them." - How can those who have felt the spirit say that? Even those who do not have the gift of he Holy Ghost have surely felt words before in their lives. When you listen to the words of a beautifully written poem, when you read prose that is written powerfully and purposefully, when you have feelings that make up words in your heart that you cannot speak through your mouth. So many people have felt words, rather than hear them, and that is exactly what the Holy Spirit does. Sometimes (very rarely) you'll hear words, but more often or not you feel them in your heart and in your soul. At least I do.

"You may in time of trouble think that you are not worth saving because you have made mistakes, big or little, and you think you are now lost. That is never true! Only repentance can heal what hurts. But repentance can heal what hurts, no matter what it is."

"Take hold of your life and order yourself to be valiant." - To this I add be vigilant - be vigilant in asserting your own life as a child of God and as a human being who deserves to have his/her voice heard and who has a powerful presence on Earth in that we are making the right and righteous decisions. If we are vigilant in both upholding our rights and ensuring that we maintain our worthiness in the sight of God, we will be blessed and so will those around us.

doing the right thing at the right time, without delay.

2011-11-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time, without Delay, Jose L. Alonso, October 2011 Saturday Morning Session.

"His was a life of service. When we serve our neighbor, we help those who are in need. In the process we may find solutions to our own difficulties." - This reminds me of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that you cannot sincerely try to help another without helping yourself." I have learned that I am always the one who gets so much (if not more) out of the acts of service I give to others because of how I grow while I am serving. My spirit becomes fuller, my happiness more true, and my perspective lengthened.

"Brothers and sisters, there may be many who, for some reason, are lost from our sight and who do not know that they are lost. If we delay, we could lose them forever...They only need our determination to serve - to do the right thing at the right time, without delay." - I think his phrasing of "the right thing, at the right time" is so important because oftentimes when I've sat in Bishop's Council on a Sunday morning I've seen people who don't think too much about what the "right thing" and when the "right time" are and instead substitute that for "the same thing, over and over again." By this I mean that oftentimes we reach out to less active and inactive members by just assigning people to call them repeatedly or visit them repeatedly, which for some may be a correct course of action, but for others will drive them away. Despite the amount of time it would take to do this, each inactive member should be prayed about and we should ask our Heavenly Father how we should go about helping them as an individual so we know how their spirit will be touched.

very exciting.

2011-11-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

Toms Ballet Flats are coming...

Can Spring 2012 come any faster?

as we meet again.

2011-11-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

As We Meet Again, President Thomas S. Monson, October 2011 Saturday Morning Session

"First, may I mention that no Church-built facility is more important than a temple. Temples are places where relationships are sealed together to last through the eternities."

While I have not been to the Temple to receive the fulness of it's blessings yet, I still have a testimony of the importance of the covenants that are formed there to the fulfilling of God's work here are Earth during this mortal existence. This talk reminded me of the rich blessing I have to have always lived so close to temples and to have had the ability to do work there numerous times in the baptistry and how most of our Church members live quite far from temples compared to us members in the US. When my Granny and Grandbob were sealed in the London Temple they traveled thousands of miles in order to fulfill that necessary covenant and I am so grateful for the sacrifices I know they made in order to make that happen. For many, even those who are willing and do sacrifice very much to try to make it to the temple, the possibility of going is almost none because of the great costs required to attend. I was

privileged to meet the family who had the first child born in the covenant in Mozambique, and it was amazing to see the blessing that going to the temple brought to both their marriage and in their roles as mother and father of another little soul who had just come down to Earth. For the Church to have a program that affords individuals the opportunity to attend the temple who would otherwise be unable to is a blessing beyond what any of us so close to them could imagine. I am so grateful for a Church who is run by men inspired by the Lord to reach those who are in great need and to pay attention to all the needs by all the different people in our Church. The Church is a global religion because it is the Lord's Church, and He loves all of us equally. I know this because it is not only evident to me in my daily life how much He loves me, but I can see that He does by the inspiration that He gives to our leaders to include all of us in His kingdom on Earth.

the time shall come.

2011-10-26T23:40:00.000-07:00

The Time Shall Come, L. Whitney Clayton, General Conference 2011

"This work of the Lord is indeed great and marvelous, but it moves forward essentially unnoticed by many of mankind's political, cultural, and academic leaders. It progresses one heart and one family at a time, silently and unobstrusively, its sacred message blessing people everywhere." - This is so true, but I think that's what makes it even more miraculous and wonderful because it shows that we are not about converting the whole world just to convert because we believe that anyone who doesn't join here will be damned for all eternity. We're spreading the Gospel because we want people to achieve the same joy in their lives as we have found in ours through living the precepts and principles the Gospel teaches us. More happiness (and eternal happiness) is found therein, and that is why it spread so unnoticed and to one heart at a time.

"Our most important message...is that there is a Savior. He lived in the meridian of time. He atoned for our sins, was crucified, and was resurrected. That matchless message, which we proclaim with authority from God, is the real reason this Church grows as it does...We are grateful for Joseph Smith and watch with wonder as his name is revered and, yes, even reviled ever more widely across the earth. But we recognize that this mighty latter-day work is not about him. It is the work of Almighty God and His Son, the Prince of Peace." - I have such a strong testimony of the work that the Savior does in our own lives and in the lives of others. I know that He loves each of us equally, that He atoned not only for our sins, but for our grievances, our hard times, our difficult feelings, our sadnesses, our mourning, our anguish. He has done everything for us, and it is because of Him that we can be forever with our Father. He has done everything for us, and is the only person who can literally empathize with whatever we are going through (joyful or sad), and there is so much power in that! I rejoice in the power the Savior can have in our lives, I rejoice in the deep and true friendship we can have with Him, and I rejoice in His understanding and great love for us, so much so that He has made it possible for us to return to our Father by acting as our intercessory. I love Him. I do not know Him, or His goodness, or His love, or His mercy perfectly, but I have grown my relationship with Him over time and I know that He has always been my best friend even when I haven't been the best of friends to Him. I know He is with me always, if I let Him be. He loves me, and I can feel that on a daily, even minute by minute basis and I know that's why we want others to come unto Him - so they can have the peace and the joy that knowing the Savior brings into each person's life.

personal revelation and testimony.

2011-10-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

Personal Revelation and Testimony, Barbara Thompson, October 2011 General Conference

"Often as we grow from childhood to adolescence and then to adulthood, we have challenges and experiences along the way which cause us to know that we need the divine help that comes through the Holy Spirit." - It's difficult for me to remember always that the Holy Ghost is part of the Godhead because I feel like in the Church we don't place a lot of emphasis on that. He is such a crucial part to our understanding of the Gospel, to our closeness with our Father in Heaven and Savior, and to our progression in this life and in the next.

Ways we can receive revelation: enlightenment of our minds, feelings of peace regarding the matter, a burning bosom, filling our soul with joy

"When I am filled with that Spirit,...my soul is satisfied." - Sister Eliza Snow, Daughters in My Kingdom, 46

the power of scripture.

2011-10-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

Starting today I'm going through and reading all the Conference Talks, and because my hand hurts at the end of the day from writing for all my classes and in my journal, I've decided to keep a log of my thoughts on my blog instead.

The Power of Scripture, Elder Richard G. Scott, October 2011 General Conference

"He [Heavenly Father] has inspired those authorized servants to record those solutions as a type of handbook for those of His children who have faith in His plan of happiness and in His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ." - I love this because today for class we were critiquing a book called The Activists Handbook, and I see such a strong disparity between the bias of that book and our ability to analyze it and pull it apart, showing the weaknesses in its' arguments to the strength and power and perfectness of the Scriptures (especially the Book of Mormon). When I read the Scriptures, I know that God has a plan for me, that He loves me, and that He loves everyone so much that He wanted His guidance to be permanent and lasting - so powerful that it literally has maintained its' validity and pertinence to our lives and the lives of those around us for thousands of years. There are no other books like these, and I'm trying to spend more time studying them because they have more value than any other book I can read. I also just read in Mosiah about how the books were preserved so that we might not forget the covenants we have made to our Father in Heaven. We are a covenant people, and these books help us to remember not only what promises we have made to Him, but how He has always kept true to those promises He has made to us and blessed us even more greatly than He has promised.

"Learning, pondering, searching, and memorizing scriptures is like filling a filing cabinet with friends, values, and truths that can be called upon anytime, anywhere in the world. Great power can come from memorizing scriptures. To memorize a scripture is to forge a new friendship." - I have a testimony of this because while I found great value in memorizing the scriptures from seminary and they have proved me well, I have memorized scriptures I have found to be more personal and "best friends" if you will, that I feel intimately relate to my needs, all the time. One of those, perhaps a scripture that touched me more than any other has, is in Romans, Chapter 8, verse 39, which I read while I was in Mozambique and touched the very core of my soul. It says, "Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Even when I think about it now it brings me great comfort in knowing that I am the only obstacle to feeling God's love and the love of my Savior in my life because it will always be there for me.

"For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth." - Proverbs 3:12

I just loved this talk, because it brings joy into the scriptures we read and emotions into what the words say. One of the things I have worked on as I have gotten older is reading the scriptures with an understanding that it was men, albeit men inspired of God, but still men, who wrote those sacred words and because of that, those words had emotion and pain and joy and so many other things behind them that come from a life lived in a mortal world. While they are just words, I think of many of them as journal entries by the Prophets of God, particularly when they mention weeping at the state of the world and shedding tears over their people who were not obeying the words of the Lord. They were real people and I know that in reading their words that were inspired by the Spirit and thus by our Heavenly Father we can grow to more fully understand our own purpose in life, our own humanity and divinity, and our own abilities that come as gifts from our Father in Heaven. I also love my scriptures so much, and I have been working on appreciating them more by reading them more, and I already have an added measure of the spirit in my life that seems to course through all my veins, livening me from the very inside out. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father loved me enough to preserve them for my generation so we could use them to get through times that seem almost impossible to overcome. He does love us and more than anything else, the scriptures testify to that.

we are all one.

2011-10-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Origins of Totalitarianism by Hannah Arendt, a most spectacular and thought-provoking piece of literature. One of my favorite examinations in the book was on the question of race; where it originates from, why it is so useful in totalitarian regimes to stratify society based on race, and where the notion of race really came from. I could not agree more with Arendt's conclusions in the exploration of the subject matter, and am going to include a section from her work for your consideration (which I will then follow with my own interpretation of her political theory):

"If it should prove to be true that we are imprisoned in Hobbe's endless process of power accumulation, then the organization of the mob will inevitably take the form of transformation of nations into races, for there is, under the conditions of an accumulating society, no other unifying bond available between individuals who in the very process of power accumulation and expansion are losing all natural connections with their fellow men.

Racism may indeed carry out the doom of the Western world and, for that matter, of the whole of human civilization. When Russians have become Slavs, when Frenchmen have assumed the role of commanders of a force noire, when Englishmen have turned into "white men," as already for a disastrous spell all Germans became Aryans, then this change will itself signify the end of Western man. For no matter what learned scientists may say, race is, politically speaking, not the beginning of humanity but its end, not the origin of peoples, but their decay, not the natural birth of man but his unnatural death" (page 157, emphasis added).

I could not stop thinking about this when I read it, and it ultimately made me reflect on a number of things, sending my mind racing along multiple path of the ramifications of this powerful and truthful passage. The first thing I thought about was where she says that those who are in the "process of power accumulation and expansion" lose "all natural connections with their fellow men." When any individual is searching only after those things that will bring him/her more power, whether that is through political, economic, social, or cultural means, he/she engages in a process of selfishness to the utmost degree where the humanity and souls of those they are using to get to that place are merely pawns in their life to meet their own ends. I feel like whenever we are focused on improving the quality of our own life in those ways, we ultimately are engaging in the exact opposite process - losing all meaning in our lives because we disengage and exploit other human beings which makes us lose the human part of our own souls.

Personally, the color of my skin has never formed a part of what I consider to be my identity. I have never felt like I fit in with the homogeneous "white person" or WASP or whatever you want to call it that those with white skin are portrayed as being a part of. Even when I was little I frequently chose to mark "other" under race, rather than white/Caucasian. I don't feel like it's who I am. I have thought a lot about this, because I've wondered if maybe it doesn't form a part of my identity because of the privilege it brings me, so it's never been a concern. If I was darker, would it form more of my identity because I would feel different than the majority? I will never know the answer to those questions, but from what I know about myself I don't think it would have changed. I honestly do not believe how light or dark your skin is has any bearing on who you actually are, and those beliefs are deep within me because of my belief in the divine nature of every human being. We are all of one Father, who created us in His image. If you want to look at it scientifically, we are even all in one species, there are no variations based on what color skin we all have. I just do not feel like it should define who I am.

The racial hierarchy emerged (historically speaking) in the eighteenth century, at the height of the Enlightenment, which I find ironic (and interesting). Race is a man-made phenomena utilized by imperialist nations to justify the treatment of their darker-skinned colonists in far away places and in order to fully capitalize on the mercantile system they put in place in those colonies by further subjugating their subjects. When we broke ourselves up like that, we ignored the ties that bond us together, and instead replaced it with artificial barriers that encourage us to judge one another. All of our true identities are as children of God, brothers and sisters to one another, and caretakers of one another, all in equality. To separate ourselves continually on these terms will surely lead to the "doom of...the whole of human civilization" because by doing so we are being anything other than civil, and are allowing ourselves to be elevated in pride that we do not deserve and that we self-give. Indeed, the "origin of peoples" is in our Heavenly Father, and our "decay" and "unnatural death" will be in separating from one another rather than joining together in the promotion of peace and unity.

Let us not engage in this destructive stratification, and instead operate in the Lord's way. I am so inspired by a verse in 2 Nephi 26, verses 32 and 33:

"And again, the Lord God hath commanded that men should not murder; that they should not lie; that they should not steal; that they should not take the name of the Lord their God in vain; that they should not envy; that they should not have malice; that they should not contend one with another; that they should not commit whoredoms; and that they should do none of these things; for whoso doeth them shall perish.

For none of these iniquities come of the Lord; for he doeth that which is good among the children of men; and he doeth nothing save it be plain unto the children of men; and he inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female, and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile."

I know that God loves and sees every single person on Earth as equal in His sight, and that to Him the value of each of their lives and souls is beyond what we can imagine. If I could just see those around me as He sees them, I know I would be able to work miracles in this world based on the love that would bring me for them. While I try to maintain this perspective, it is difficult, but keeping in mind the love I feel from Him towards me I am able better to view others as he views them - even those that make those decisions that bring so many people so much pain. Humanizing all of those around us is never going to have negative results in an eternal perspective, rather, it will allow us to see the infinite nature and potential of each of our souls and the connectedness between all of us, our Savior, Jesus Christ, and our Father in Heaven.

something is very wrong.

2011-10-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

This is what the 99% are talking about. There is something very wrong with the way that globalized capitalism is functioning in our world, and we need systemic change. People who make selfish, corrupt decisions should have to live with the consequences of their actions.

...and this is the world we live in.

2011-10-18T14:14:00.001-07:00

wow. just wow.

because it's thursday.

2011-10-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

And because I want you to have a delicious lunch like I did today, I have decided to share my recipe of Smashed Chickpea Salad for you to enjoy tomorrow. Or Saturday, if you cook chickpeas from dried like I did.

If you're cooking chickpeas from dry, just follow the directions so you have about 2 c. once cooked (it was a half a normal sized bag of dried chickpeas for me), if you're using canned, that's a 15 oz can.

2 c. chickpeas
1 lemon, juiced
2 tbsp. chopped parsley
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/4 red onion, diced
1 roasted red bell pepper, diced
1/2 can of artichokes, chopped
5 black olives, diced
3 tbsp. olive oil
3 tbsp. balsamic vinegar
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper

Put chickpeas in a bowl with the olive oil, lemon juice, and balsamic vinegar and mash them to desired consistency, add in the rest of the ingredients and mix it together. It's best when it marinates overnight and the chickpeas can really soak in the deliciousness. I like it on toasted focaccia rolls with a little bit of garlic aioli on them. Yummmm.

Recipe adapted from Smitten Kitchen, picture of her smashed chickpea salad above.

a to z of me.

2011-10-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

I saw this on my friend's blog, and thought it was a great idea to give some of my new readers some info on me. :)

Age: Tweny something
Bed size: Queen - this is new for me! I got my mattress and bed frame at Ikea, and I'm so happy I get to sleep diagonally now. :)
Chore you hate: This is difficult for me, because I honestly really like cleaning (I know, I'm a freak), but I would say my least favorite is probably dusting because of my allergies.
Dogs: I don't have one personally, but right now I get to enjoy Raiffe, my roomie's dog who is super precious.
Essential start of your day: I don't particularly like breakfast most days, but I'm trying to start every day with yoga and then breakfast. We'll see how that goes.
Favorite color: Yellow! And green.
Gold or silver: I used to be an all silver all the time kind of girl, but now I like both for different reasons and for different outfits. As far as an engagement ring/wedding band goes I'll want silver unless I get a gold one handed down.
Height: 5'7"ish inches. Some days I'm pretty sure I'm 5'8". And when I got back from India I was positive I had grown while I was there.
Instruments I play (or have played): I played piano for a long time, but quit in eighth grade because I hated practicing. I also played clarinet for two years in elementary school!

Job title: Graduate student (full time) and tutor (part time).
Kids: None, and if you ask Brinkley it's because I'm not married, but as soon as I get married I'll become pregnant. Isn't that the way it goes?
Live: In a cute house.
Mom's name: Jeanette
Nickname:Ladybug (from Granny) and Karencita.
Overnight hospital stays: I don't think I've had any that I can remember because I was only in for a half day with my surgery when I was 9.
Pet peeve: People who don't pay attention in traffic and are dangerous drivers. It's super upsetting.

Quote from a movie: Is this supposed to be a favorite quote? Because that's impossible. First one to come to mind: "All those Madison Avenue types telling you how to live your lives with their fast cars...hot chicks...Reese's Pieces...Gucci...and Werther's Originals."

Right or left handed: Right. I'm not special.
Siblings: Three. One older brother and two older sisters.
Time you wake up: Usually 8ish. This morning? 9:00. :)
Underwear: I'm obsessed with Merona's 5 for $15 underwear at Target. They are so comfy and cute. Thank you.

Umbrella: I just got a new one from Target when I moved here! It's my first fancy one that you press the button and it pops out/unpops. It has flowers on it and was on clearance for $3. Pop pop!
Vegetables you dislike: I like all vegetables. Seriously. They just have to be cooked correctly.
What makes you run late: I rarely run late, and when I do it's because I'm sick or have overslept from a nap. I love me my naps.
X-rays you've had done: Teeth...something else before I got my hernia surgery, which I thought was weird since that was muscle-related.
Yummy food you make: I make really good food, not to toot my own horn or anything. Peoples favorites tend to be my random pastas I concoct, and, on more special occasions by garlic roasted boneless rib eye and homemade stuffing. Also breakfast casserole.

Zoo animal: Currently it's the Sun Bears at the San Diego Zoo. Bryan and I had passes and loved them the best. They actually eat honey, like Pooh Bear! I'm excited to get Phoenix Zoo passes when (I'm using the power of positive thinking here) Bryan starts going to ASU in the Spring. Look at him! they're all that precious.

best birthday dinner.

2011-10-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

I decided to treat myself to a break from the hot Phoenix sun for my birthday gift to me and went to California for my birthday the first weekend of September. Oh how glad I am that I did it, because it was an amazing weekend and I got to see some of my favorite people. One of those favorite people (okay...my favorite person) was Bryan, and he took me to the best birthday dinner I have ever consumed in my entire life (the day after my birthday, cause I was super tired on my bday from driving). We went to Mirepoix Restaurant in Laguna Beach, which is the attached restaurant to the Laguna School of Culinary Arts. They have a set dinner menu Thursday through Saturday, and we were lucky enough to enjoy that deliciousness for half off! (Thank you restaurant.com!) Here's what we had:

For the amouse bouche (French for "amuse the mouth") we had French style potato salad with spicy salami. It was very amusing. :)

For our appetizer course we had a goat cheese and wild mushroom rustic tart with a mesclun salad with lemon viniagrette and heirloom tomato. It was divine.

Bryan also ordered a delicious "vignette" for us to try - sparkling grape juice made from Pinot grapes. Yummm. The perfect accompaniment to the meal for non-drinkers.

This picture doesn't even do this deliciousness justice. Our main course was a veal chop (so huge!) with hericot verts and roasted potatoes with a wine sauce. It was incredible.

For dessert we had the mother of all cakes. It was a layer of spongey white cake, with layers of different kinds of chocolate mousse on top, in a puddle of chocolate sauce. It was the best dessert I've ever had.

We finished off our night at the Orange County Great Park, which was wonderful. We walked around holding hands and looking at the timeline that spans the length of the park. Then we rode the carousel, and pretty much made the night of all the workers by naming this horse+mermaid carousel animal the hormaid. It still makes me giggle when I say it out loud. When we got back to Tustin, we took a 20 minute walk in the lovely cool air - a perfect end to a perfect night.

just a bit of light reading.

2011-09-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend I am reading works by Patrick Hayden and Hannah Arendt. While extremely enlightening and intellectually stimulating they are equally depressing because what they say is almost always right. Just a little snippet for you to enjoy:

"We can only eliminate the capacity for evil as such by making humanity itself superfluous, that is, by destroying the plurality that makes us human. To believe that the capacity to commit evil acts can be permanently expunged from the realm of human action would be to succumb to a metaphysical and political idealism dangerously immune tot he realities of the historical experience." - Patrick Hayden in Political Evil in a Global Age

women are amazing.

2011-09-19T01:24:00.000-07:00

In one of my classes we are focusing on the human rights framework, so basically the documents that the United Nations creates and how those form the realm of human rights law that world (supposedly) operates under. Because we're having a guest speaker tomorrow focusing on women's rights, we did a lot of reading for tomorrow's class regarding women's rights as human rights. For some reason those in power, who are mostly men, have ignored the necessity to treat women's rights as a form of human rights and to focus on women's rights in the private sphere versus the public sphere. Most human rights framework focuses on the involvement of the state in the lives of their citizens, rather than in their home lives. It's more like a relationship type of thing, with the freedoms from (negative rights) and freedom to (positive rights) defined. Now, I wan to work for the United Nations ultimately, but it is in that organization that I see an overt sense of fright that half of the human population is discriminated against based on an inherent characteristic. It is because of this apprehension that women's rights are not focused on as they should be, and that especially women's rights in the home are not focused on. It's led to the reality in the world today that violations and violence against women based on their gender occurs mostly in the home, and not nearly as often in the state/citizen relationship (with the Middle East being the obvious exception to this generality).

I am a feminist in the sense that I believe women are amazing. I think that we have characteristics and viewpoints that are distinctly different from those of men, and that they are all too often ignored in the world, both in the world of global politics and the world at home. Women have something valuable to offer to the world, and those characteristics that I believe are divinely present within the nature of women would lead to a more peaceful, cooperative world. In our faith, we focus so much on the family and the power that unit has in God's plan. Something I've always found to be important in my life is to realize that those things that are principles in the Gospel are therefore principles in the world as truths that surpass our Church-based lives. The family is an essential unit to society, and the proper functioning of an healthy family unit leads to a society where lives of the individual are improved on a daily basis and because of that government is healthier as well.

Unfortunately, the family is eroding around the world. Not enough focus is being placed by societies around the world on what it means to have a healthy family, and not even politicians talk about making the home a haven once again. One of my best friends just had to call child protective services on her next door neighbor last week, across the world parents are forcing their children to beg to provide income rather than allowing them to go to school, in homes all around the world women and children are being abused by men who know nothing about what it means to be an actual man and leader of the home. It is because of this, because of the militarization of our global society, because of the pervasive violence in our society based on gender that I am committed and passionate about a new campaign I just discovered. I'll write more specifics on how I'm going to be doing things in my new community regarding that campaign at a later date, but I wanted to share with you the phrase that struck me and inspired me to be better, to do better, and to transfer Gospel principles more seamlessly into my everyday life. I hope it does the same for you. an activist from Mozambique said this:

"There can be no peace on Earth when there is war in the home."

I hope that you can discover the peace that comes both in your personal life and in the lives of your families that only comes through living a Christ-centered life focused on love for all and selfless charity. Happy Sunday, everyone.

living a new life!

2011-09-03T04:26:00.000-07:00

So I've been in Arizona for about three weeks now, and I'm loving it (despite the record-breaking heat the last couple of weeks). It's wonderful to live with roommates who are super nice, easy to get along with, and want to be involved in each other's lives and just enjoy talking. They're pretty much perfect and I found them on Craigslist. Who would have thunk it? My room is perfect for me, and I got to deck it out at Ikea, which was exciting. :) I don't know what I would have done without my mom here - I am soooo glad she got to come. Here are a few pictures of my room for you to enjoy. And a couple of our dog, Raiffe, who is precious and you will love. Forever.

to make your life better.

2011-08-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

inspiration.

2011-08-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Bryan pointed me to a person I had heard of but had never really looked closely at today while we were talking, and both of us were struck by what he not only said was his life philosophy, but actually lived it to the fullest. His name is Baba Amte, and his life's work was to improve the living conditions of the outcastes in India, particularly those that had leprosy. He said:

I sought my soul, my soul I could not see;
I sought my God, my God eluded me;
I sought my brother and found all three.

In such eloquence Baba Amte explained the truth of the Gospel that it is in having true charity within us we find God and our divine nature as well as the divinity of all those around us. It is through serving our brethren that we found out who we really are and who God is for us and for them. He loves us so much, more than anything we can possibly imagine, but we can mirror that love the most closely when we seek out those around us searching for a voice, for a say in their lives, and for freedom. One of the things that is beautiful about the concept of reading out of the best books is seeing the light of Christ and the truthfulness of the Gospel in everything good, and I cannot wait to read more from Baba Amte, as he lived his life in a righteous, Christ-centered way, even though he did not realize that's what he was doing. He shone the light of Christ for those around him with sweet love and a pure heart, which is what I strive to do and to be one day.

Look at how cute he is!

it's the small things.

2011-07-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been re-evaluating my life and looking at my priorities. While I've been doing good, I haven't been doing great. It kind of reminds me of the Good, Better, Best talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. I know that most of you have probably already figured this out, but what I've decided as I've been looking at my priorities is that what counts most (when looked at in the grand scheme of things) are the small things. All those little acts of devotion add up quickly to show the Lord just how much you appreciate and love Him and want to do His will on Earth. One of the things I am currently working on is not just doing the right things, but doing them in ways that show an added measure of adoration and praise to my Heavenly Father by how I approach Him and His work in my daily life. I really can't tell you how to show Him this, as that's a personal thing, but I know that when I already as I have done those small things that it has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father and has given me more of a reverence for His spirit and assistance in my life.

I hope all of you had a happy Sunday. I know I did. :)

i love king benjamin.

2011-07-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am currently in Mosiah in my scripture study, and I love King Benjamin. I found some of my new favorites in chapter 4 and some old favorites in chapter 5. They inspired me and I hope they inspire you. :)

Mosiah 4:15-18
But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another. And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your substance unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.

Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just - But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

Mosiah 5:7-8
And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters. And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free.

Yep. I bet you love King Benjamin too, now. Or some more.

Also, I really would like a new set of scriptures. I am working towards a pretty important goal at the moment, and I would love to delve into a brand spanking new set so I can mark them all up since I'm at a very different phase of my life than when I was eight. Any suggestions on color/format? I don't like tabs. I refuse to buy scriptures with tabs. So that can't be a suggestion. :)

thank goodness for...

2011-06-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

sisters

mister

best friends (who text at just the right time)

mommy

chocolate pie

adorable nieces and nephews

prayer

Jesus

God

the Bible

the Book of Mormon

knowing that California is less than a week away.

happy father's day!

2011-06-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I know this post is a day late, but my ulcer decided to hate me last night. I'm sorry.

So here is something you should know about my daddy and I - I love him so much, and he has given me so much, and he feels the same way about me and tells me often, but we do not agree on everything. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm his only child that has "discussions" with him on a regular basis about politics. (Our views are pretty different). What we both do know about one another, as well, is that our hearts are in the right places and that we are both extremely well informed on the issues, but that the same information leads us to different opinions. Because I am often found in disagreement with my dad, sometimes I feel like maybe I'm not letting him know enough how much he means to me. Recently, I've been reflecting on how I ended up being the person I am today, and for that I must credit my daddy.

My mom has of course done much for me in my life, and has also formed me into who I am, but one of my biggest aspects of my personality that many people comment on is because my dad cared so much about my development and took seriously his stewardship over my soul's development to make it so one of my weaknesses became a strength. When I was younger I was the most pessimistic, negative person in our family. I also looked at the worst case scenario, and rarely accentuated or even acknowledged positive happenings in mine and other's lives. This kind of attitude, as both my parents could see, was extremely destructive to my happiness and progression. It was my dad, though, who spent a ridiculous amount of time tirelessly telling me to be positive, to change my perspective and, over the course of many years and a lot of counsel I decided to finally make that change in my life. The reason I am such a positive individual is because of the work my dad did to make it so I am this way. The reason why I want to work in the field of human rights is due to my father's efforts to change the way I look at the world. And, ironically enough, the reason I view politics the way I do now is because of the work my dad did on changing the disposition of my soul. For this, I am eternally grateful. Thank you, Daddy for being one of my best friends and always supporting me in all that I do! I love you!

At the beginning.

And after. :)

so far...

2011-06-14T11:15:00.000-07:00

Priceless quotes from my trip to Kimi and Jeremy's abode so far:

"Do you bounce when you're run over by a car? Cause if you do, that's a sure sign that you're an opposum." - Jeremy

"You're going to Target with us! Get your Target suit on!" - Brinkley

"Karen, why do you keep calling him cute? You're making a mistake, he's awesome." - Brinkley

"There was a horse." "What did he say?" "Baaaa." "Oh! Did he think he was a sheep?" "No he just kidding." - Caelen

it happened!

2011-06-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

I was accepted into the MA in Social Justice and Human Rights program at ASU's West Campus today, and I will be accepting the invitation tomorrow. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and for your words of encouragement. I am extremely excited for this next stage of my life and for what it holds.

i know who i am.

2011-05-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

Being new to the young single adult world in New Jersey comes with a lot of questions from those who have never seen you. "What brings you out here?" is usually the first question, but can also be interchanged with "Are you a nanny?" After I tell them my story, it usually leads to, "So what are you doing next in your life?" Which I now answer with, "Hopefully I'll be going to graduate school in the fall." Recently, after my woes of decline from the universities I applied to for Masters in History programs I decided to look at alternative routes to my further educational studies. I still know I want to go to law school to study International Law specializing in Human Rights Law, but I want to get a masters beforehand. I want to do something more so that I have some humanity in my law degree.

I have found a myriad of programs that have excited me more than the prospect of any history program I looked at. As I read about the programs I'm currently looking at participating in (which are MA in Diplomacy/MA in Social Justice and Human Rights), it makes me realize I know that I am where I need to be at the time I need to be here and that I am doing the things that I need to do. I am so passionate about helping others, and I am so excited about the project I am working on with a sister in our ward to start up a nonprofit in Tanzania. We are both on the same page when it comes to humanitarian efforts, and it brings me more joy than anything I have done in a long time to be participating in this.

I am so grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel because it is what gives me the absolute surety of these things; that I have been placed on this Earth at this time for a specific purpose. I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, a disciple of Jesus Christ, and someone who loves mankind and wants to help. I know who I am, and it means everything to me.

i made a friend. :)

2011-05-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you who don't know I am now living in the land of the less than happies (a nice way of putting the ornery nature of joyzeeites). While I was for sure looking forward to being at home again to hang out with the familia, I was sad I would be leaving my friends in California. But, I got to meet a wonderful girl (Lisa) who has turned out to be a great friend! She came out from Utah to be a nanny, but since it wasn't so much a good situation she left and is now living with mi familia and it's super fun. :) It's so nice to have a great friend to hang out with, do things with, and just watch Food Network with during the day. And who doesn't pressure me to stay up past my bedtime. I like making new friends.

thank you.

2011-04-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all who have given me their prayers and support during this difficult application process. I received my letter from Brandeis yesterday, informing me that I was not accepted into their program. I am doing well, and am already searching for other opportunities that I can take hold of. I know that the Lord has a plan for me, and for each of us, and because of that this is not even close to being upsetting to me. I know that I'll end up where I need to be and for the right reasons.

Thank you again for all your support!

miracles.

2011-04-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

I believe in them, and today I was able to reflect and celebrate my knowledge of the greatest of all miracles. That my Savior, the Savior of the world, died and lived again. Such peace this brings my heart, to know that because He was strong enough, brave enough, humble enough, willing enough to suffer in the uttermost depths of despair and loneliness I will never have to experience that pain in my own life. Truly something that I cannot comprehend, but nonetheless have such great gratitude for that swells within my soul. Each Easter I am reminded that I need to make sure that I also do not leave my brother, my Savior alone to suffer for my sins. Whenever I read the account of Christ in Gethsemane, my heart aches for the Savior:

And he came out, and went, as he was wont, to the mount of Olives; and his disciples also followed him.

And when he was at the place, he said unto them, Pray that ye enter not into temptation.

And he was withdrawn from them about a stone's cast, and kneeled down, and prayed,

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

And being in agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

His disciples fell asleep. They were the most righteous of men, who had left their lives to follow their Savior, but yet they fell asleep in His greatest hour of need in fulfilling his mission and ministry on Earth. I never want to fall asleep. I want to be by the Savior's side as much as He has been and always will be by mine. I know that He suffered for my sins, that it is through Him that I find the greatest joy on this Earth, and that I know everyone can in the world. It is through Him that peace can be found within ourselves and on this Earth with our brethren, we just have to seek it out. Indeed, I know with a surety that "he was wounded for our transgression, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:5).

true story.

2011-03-31T16:17:00.000-07:00

from here.

Caroline had some big news today at pickup. Nick said he likes her.

So tonight when Chuck got home from work, I said, "Big news, Dad. Nick said he likes her!"

Caroline started jumping up and down and clapping.

Chuck celebrated with her and said, "Well, it's always nice when someone you like likes you back."

And with all the excited sincerity in the world, Caroline smiled and gushed, "And he doesn't think I'm crazy at all. Isn't that the sweetest ever?"

That is most definitely how I feel most days. Well put, Caroline, well put. :)

karen and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

2011-03-26T16:27:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up super excited.

I was getting my car back today.

Instead, I not only paid for what apparently was an unnecessary repair, but found out my car has been elsewhere for a month for no good reason.

Also, I got to go through an intersection at 5 mph without any apparent ability to accelerate in sight after being told my car was safe to drive. (It was not safe to drive).

Also, I ate at Freebirds for the first time which made me feel like I was in a horrible dream where Ed Hardy took over my life and ruined everything. Including food. Because it was awful.

Also, last night I accidentally spilled ranch in my purse and the smell won't come out so I had to throw it away.

Also, I had one other purse I could use and the strap on that broke today while I was waiting for my car to be "repaired."

Also, to make things better and turn it into a not so terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I have my loving Daddy, who has promised to take care of everything, and an awesome family, and a wonderful boyfriend who has promised to help take care of selling the stuff that's worth something in my car when we move in a week. And, of course, I have an eternal perspective which is hard to fit into my brain right now which (when I'm thinking more clearly) will, of course, tell me that it's okay that all of this happened because it's only a dot in the grand scheme of things. What do people do who don't have the Gospel of Jesus Christ? Seriously. It baffles me.

I hope all of you had wonderful, magnificent, awesome sauce, super spectacular days.

lifelong dream.

2011-03-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

I really don't have a lot of wants when it comes to a house, and, quite frankly, there is only one real thing that makes me want a house of my own one day. A porch. And not for the reason most people want it; you know, the sipping lemonade on a warm summer day while enjoying the sun. I want it so I can get back the moments of my childhood (and teenage years) when I would go outside, during a rainstorm, with a big mug of hot chocolate and read a good book. That is why I want a home. With a porch. A nice, big porch.

please.

2011-03-21T14:54:00.000-07:00

It's about time that I tell all of you that I have been rejected from three graduate programs. I should be hearing back from Brandeis this week, and I would super appreciate it a lot if you could send my way your prayers, good vibes, happy thoughts, and any good karma you may have accumulated.

Please, please, please.

I'd really like this little guy to be my new mascot.

And, you know, go to graduate school.

what taking care of eliana has done to my netflix.

2011-03-17T17:22:00.000-07:00

quote of the day.

2011-03-14T14:24:00.000-07:00

"Newborns always look like spam to me." - Bryan

what international women's day means to me.

2011-03-08T14:54:00.000-08:00

Today is the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, and it marks both the celebration of womanhood worldwide, what women everywhere have accomplished in reaching their international and innate human rights, as well as how much we have to achieve in the area of woman's rights worldwide. As an American woman, I enjoy so much more freedom of choice and being that most women do around the globe and for that I am truly grateful. I have been able to go to college, to travel abroad, to have intellectual aspirations, to choose who I want to spend my time with, and to elect how I wish to live my life.

This is not saying, however, that I have not experienced the pervasive male-dominated perspective that exists in both American and Mormon culture. While I love my Church and know that it is led by amazing men and women, many of the people who are members (including myself) are not perfect. This is okay with me. I know that the Gospel is perfect, and that is what faith is all about. Accepting those things on Earth that are imperfect because you realize that there is a bigger picture, a greater purpose than what our mortal selves understand.

One of the observations I have made as a driven young woman who has career and life aspirations different than many woman in the Church is that I am often judged because of these desires that have been in my heart since I can remember. It is in part because of this behavior, among many other reasons, that I decided not to attend my local Young Single Adult Branch and instead go to a family ward. When the adult advisers or other branch members would ask me what I wanted to do after I graduated, they would look at me with strange expressions when I told them I wanted to go to graduate school to get both my PhD and JD. They usually then asked if I wanted to get married and have a family, as if the two were mutually exclusive. Then would come the onslaught of questions about if I wanted to raise my own children, how I expected Bryan to be okay with any of this, and if I had considered just getting a job instead of going back to school.

These are all questions from people in the Church, as I know if I told any of the apostles or the Prophet my aspirations they would admire me for taking the advice of President Hinckley to educate myself and to "be smart." What is most bothersome to me is that when people ask me these questions, without meaning to do it they are insinuating that I have not been following the other counsel of the Prophets and Apostles.

When they ask me if I have considered other options, they are insinuating that I make my choices based solely on my desires and what the world expects rather than consulting my Heavenly Father in prayer and asking Him what He would have me do. When they ask me these questions they are insinuating that I have not read the doctrine in the Church that the role as a mother is the most important calling a woman can have. When they ask me these questions they are insinuating that because I do want to have a family and work towards my goal of defending human rights worldwide that I will, without a doubt, fail as a mother in my own home. I know that these women and men who ask me these questions do not intend to insult me in such ways, but they are.

Members of the Church (not the Church itself - I think Gospel doctrine has proclaimed over and over again the sanctity of womanhood and the power women have) need to realize that the traditional image of Molly Mormon is not equivalent to an upstanding woman and mother in Zion. Having taken care of my niece for the past six months, I know that being a full time homemaker is a job and is filled with joy and rewards beyond what most can find in paid work. I do not look down or think that women who choose to remain at home with their children do less work than men or other women who work full time outside the home.

What I am asking is that Church members realize that women who choose to follow sincere desires of their hearts to work outside the home, after counseling with the Lord are just as good at fulfilling their callings of being mothers. Part of empowering women worldwide is empowering them to choose what they do, and not judging the choices they make after careful and prayerful consideration.

apparently i'm behind on this, but i don't care.

2011-03-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

I just watched Coco Before Chanel (a fantastic movie, might I add) and absolutely fell in love with the way Miss Gabrielle Chanel dressed in the movie. In particular she had an outfit that was so super cute that I wish I could replicate it in my own life because I just think it's so super chic. I couldn't find any pictures of the whole outfit, but here's the shirt:

Yes! She wore it with a navy blue ribbon tied around the waist, black pencil pants, and her little booties.

Here's the outfit I wish I could have:

1. Old Navy

2. Any fabric store (or Walmart)

3. Nordstrom

4. Forever 21 (for the truer to the film version) or
5. Payless (for a more versatile option)

you're welcome.

2011-02-26T21:50:00.000-08:00

eat it.

reasons.

2011-02-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

There are always reasons to be happy rather than sad. Reasons to wake up, to walk around, to read, to smile at someone you don't know, and to just be (even if that means not doing much as far as the rest of the world is concerned).

Here are some of those reasons for me:

1. All of the love around me. I currently have four of my friends who are engaged to be married this summer. It's so wonderful to hear how happy they are as they plan for their weddings.

2. The protests igniting all around the Middle East and Africa (not even just in the North anymore!) People who love living, truly living, enough to fight for it in the streets inspires me so much and literally brings tears to my eyes when I can feel their joy through the television.

3. Being able to spend a few months with my family before I go to graduate school.

4. Hoping that I get into one of the graduate schools I applied to.

5. Watching Eliana bug every day. And especially watching her dance and sing. If that little bug doesn't bring a reason to wake up, I don't think anything will for you.

6. Good food. And even better - cooking good food. It will always bring me so much happiness.

7. Having the comfort that the Spirit brings. Nothing makes you want to keep on swimming like the feeling of the Savior's love in your heart. Nothing.

I hope you all have happy weekends. I know that I am.

you should all do this.

2011-02-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

click on the "which dr. seuss character are you" button. yes. now. seriously. do it.

http://reading.target.com/read-across-america?ref=sc_iw_ss_1

we are all egyptians.

2011-02-05T09:19:00.000-08:00

Taken from here, and by Nicholas D. Kristof.

Inside Tahrir Square on Thursday, I met a carpenter named Mahmood whose left arm was in a sling, whose leg was in a cast and whose head was being bandaged in a small field hospital set up by the democracy movement. This was the seventh time in 24 hours that he had needed medical treatment for injuries suffered at the hands of government-backed mobs. But as soon as Mahmood was bandaged, he tottered off once again to the front lines.

“I’ll fight as long as I can,” he told me. I was awestruck. That seemed to be an example of determination that could never be surpassed, but as I snapped Mahmood’s picture I backed into Amr’s wheelchair. It turned out that Amr had lost his legs many years ago in a train accident, but he rolled his wheelchair into Tahrir Square to show support for democracy, hurling rocks back at the mobs that President Hosni Mubarak apparently sent to besiege the square.

Amr (I’m not using some last names to reduce the risks to people I quote) was being treated for a wound from a flying rock. I asked him as politely as I could what a double-amputee in a wheelchair was doing in a pitched battle involving Molotov cocktails, clubs, machetes, bricks and straight razors.
“I still have my hands,” he said firmly. “God willing, I will keep fighting.”

That was Tahrir Square on Thursday: pure determination, astounding grit, and, at times, heartbreaking suffering.

Mr. Mubarak has disgraced the twilight of his presidency. His government appears to have unleashed a brutal crackdown — hunting down human rights activists, journalists and, of course, demonstrators themselves, all while trying to block citizens from Tahrir Square. As I arrived near the square in the morning, I encountered a line of Mr. Mubarak’s goons carrying wooden clubs with nails embedded in them. That did not seem an opportune place to step out of a taxi, so I found a back way in.
So did many, many others. At Tahrir Square’s field hospital (a mosque in normal times), 150 doctors have volunteered their services, despite the risk to themselves. Maged, a 64-year-old doctor who relies upon a cane to walk, told me that he hadn’t been previously involved in the protests, but that when he heard about the government’s assault on peaceful pro-democracy protesters, something snapped.

So early Thursday morning, he prepared a will and then drove 125 miles to Tahrir Square to volunteer to treat the injured. “I don’t care if I don’t go back,” he told me. “I decided I had to be part of this.”

“If I die,” he added, “this is for my country.”

In the center of Tahrir Square, also known as Liberation Square, I bumped into one of my heroes, Dr. Nawal El Saadawi, a leading Arab feminist who for decades has fought female genital mutilation. Dr. Saadawi, who turns 80 this year, is white-haired and frail and full of fiery passion.
“I feel I am born again,” she said, adding that she intended to sleep with the protesters on Tahrir Square. She also suggested that instead of being sent into comfortable exile, Mr. Mubarak should be put on trial as a criminal; that’s a theme I’ve heard increasingly often among pro-democracy activists.
There’s a small jail in Tahrir Square for pro-Mubarak thugs who are captured, and their I.D. cards indicate that many are working for the police or the ruling party. Mr. Mubarak may claim that he’s unhappy about the violence in Cairo, but he caused it — and the only way to restore order in Egypt and revive the economy is for him to step down immediately. I’m encouraged that the Obama administration is reportedly discussing with Egyptian officials ways to make that happen.

Countless Egyptians here tell me that they are willing to sacrifice their lives for democracy. They mean it. But I’ve heard similar talk in many other countries in the throes of democracy movements. Unfortunately, usually what determines the fate of such movements is not the courage of the democracy activists but the willingness of the government to massacre its citizens. In that case, the survivors usually retreat in sullen silence, and the movement is finished for a time.

Whatever Mr. Mubarak is planning, it does feel as if something has changed, as if the Egyptian people have awoken. When I needed to leave Tahrir Square today, several Egyptians guided me out for almost an hour through a special route so that I would not be arrested or assaulted — despite considerable risk to themselves. One of my guides was a young woman, Leila, who told me: “We are all afraid, inside of us. But now we have broken that fear.”

The lion-hearted Egyptians I met on Tahrir Square are risking their lives to stand up for democracy and liberty, and they deserve our strongest support — and, frankly, they should inspire us as well. A quick lesson in colloquial Egyptian Arabic: Innaharda, ehna kullina Misryeen! Today, we are all Egyptians!

trip to the la temple. :)

2011-02-03T21:42:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, the Los Angeles Temple recently had an extreme makeover in the Visitor's Center and it is AWESOME. Seriously, it was pretty much the neatest thing I could think of doing on New Year's Eve. It definitely reminded me what I should always be focusing on, and particularly during the time of renewal that the New Year signifies every time it roles around. Jamie, Marco, and Eli all joined me in LA (where I was housesitting) and our New Year's Eve consisted of a visit to the temple to see the new Visitor's Center and lights with a trip to Tommy's for dinner afterward and going to bed at 10. I honestly did not care one bit that I wasn't up at midnight to ring in the new year.

The Visitor's Center was built around the Christus statue (a giant box was put around it while the rest of the building was leveled). Instead of putting the same starry scene behind the statue as seen at Temple Square in Salt Lake, a new mural was painted (I like it even better). Also, check out how adorable Eliana is. She kept running back to the the Christus, asking to see Jesus.

Part of the new Visitor's Center is an entire exhibit on the importance of service in the Church and the work that members do around the world to help both members and non-members alike. It features wall displays with flat touch screen TVs where individuals explain how they have received service (as well as given it) because of the Church's commitment to humanitarian work. This is one of the best quotes from the exhibit.

Another part of the exhibit was the focus on the family, where this pretend little street was. There was even a little table where electronic drawing pads were for the kids to use. After they drew something, their picture was posted on a wall in the Visitor's Center for everyone to see.

Eliana in my scarf looking like a babushka.

The outside is still the same, with the "talking" statues.

Who doesn't love the Christmas lights all over the trees? The entire Temple grounds look beautiful all the time, but even more special when covered in lights. :)

vote vote vote!

2011-01-29T17:15:00.000-08:00

My friend, Caroline, from college is applying to have a full scholarship to the Innovation Institute in South Africa where she will learn about the power of self-sustainability via microloans and the such to individuals in rural communities. Please take 30 seconds to vote for her and help her to make a huge difference in the world (because I know she will)!

Click on this link: http://www.thinkimpact.org/innovation-institute-scholarship-contest/

And vote for Caroline Lucas....right now....or at least by Monday at 5pm EST. :)

goals.

2011-01-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

When I was in Young Women, I often joked about what I thought were semi-ridiculous, repetitive, albeit fun activities during our Sunday School lessons when we had to make list after list about our life, our future husband, and the famous "where would you like to be in five years" list. One of these lists that we made so often was a list of ways we thought we could improve ourselves, our lives, and our attitudes in the present, so that we could get that dream husband of ours that we had listed up previously. While I still joke about these lists now, I realized recently that the lists of self-improvement actually spawned self-improvement (I know - shocking). It's something that I've since stopped doing as often, and I think it would be good practice for myself (and for anyone, really) to start making these lists again. These aren't lists just to make yourself realize how many bad habits you have and how much you need to start keeping your home up to the standards of being photographed by Marth Stewart Living, but rather lists that will help you be a better you, not make you feel guilty. I've decided to make one of these lists, and while I'm not going to share everything on it with you, I thought I'd share some parts so that you realize what I mean when I say it's not to make you feel guilty.

1. Paint my toenails biweekly (or when they chip).
2. Write again.
3. Take better ownership of my body by exercising and eating more fruits and veggies.
4. Discover my own personal style.
5. Get into graduate school.
6. Take the LSAT so I can get into law school as well.
7. Actually study well for the LSAT.
8. Read more.
9. Have a spirit of gratitude.

I'm sure you'll all have your own things, but these are just some of mine to get your juices flowing. I promise, you won't regret making it. If nothing else, fill it with stuff you want to do for you so that you'll be more at peace with life, or just inside your own head.

change the way you look at the world.

2011-01-24T10:37:00.000-08:00

Rising Star Outreach, the organization I went with to India, is still accepting applications for their summer volunteer sessions. They take individuals, families, couples, anyone who wants to make a difference in their lives and in the lives of others. Let me know if you'd like more information about the program, or if you're interested in going (even if your one of my readers who I don't know)!

sometimes we all need a little pick me up.

2011-01-11T23:20:00.000-08:00

I get to watch a bunch of kid's television these days, due to me having the best job in the world. One of the best parts of my morning is, without a doubt, being able to watch super fantastic cartoons on PBS that I haven't seen ever or I haven't seen since I was a kid. Of course the most spectacular of these shows is Sesame Street (still! - although, if Puzzle Place was still on it'd give Sesame Street a run for it's money). As I was watching Sesame Street today I noticed that they have the most uplifting messages that are really applicable for all ages, and especially important for the moldable, sponge-like tiny humans that usually watch the show. However, I think that the world would be in a much better place if more adults watched shows as uplifting and educational as kid's cartoons are on PBS.

We have been told by many spiritual officials inside my church and from others in the religious community that what we intake media-wise is crucial to our spiritual development. I know without a doubt that when I've watched movies that are questionable, it makes it so I become desensitized to the same behaviors in my everyday life. I have become frustrated with the options we are given as adults in television shows, and particularly in movies, and I completely don't understand how we, as a society, can think it's okay to have an entire movies centered on amoral lifestyles that almost always prove to be detramental to the main characters in some way or another (which they eventually learn). What we need more of are movies that promote good thinking, healthy habits, and inspire positive growth in the viewers. What I love most about Sesame Street is that it does all of those things without being unrealistic. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be candid about what happens in the world, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't support media outlets that encourage children (and adults who are watching with their children) to overcome it.

All of us need a little pick me up sometimes, and that's exactly what quality shows like Sesame Street do. I've been feeling rather lackluster about my prospects of being accepted into graduate school, and this song from Sesame Street really made me feel better:

If what I am is what's in me

Then I'll stay strong, that's who I'll be

And I will always be the best

"Me" that I can be.

There's only one me, I am it

Have a dream I'll follow it

It's up to me to try.

Oh! I'm gonna keep my head up high

Keep on reaching high

Never gonna quit

I'll be getting stronger.

And nothing's gonna bring me down (no!)

Never gonna stop, gotta go.

Because I know

I'll keep getting stronger.

And what I am is thoughtful!

What I am is musical!

What I am is smart!

And what I am is brave!

What I am is helpful!

What I am is special!

There's nothing I can't achieve.

Because in myself I believe in oh....

Gonna keep our heads up high

Keep on reaching high

Never gonna quit

Just keep getting stronger.

And nothing's gonna bring us down (no!)

Never give it up, gotta go.

Because I know

I'll keep getting stronger.

What I am is super!

What I am is proud!

What I am is friendly!

What I am is grouchy!

What you are is magical!

What you are is special!

There's nothing I can't achieve.

Because in myself I believe in oh...

Gonna hold my head up high

Keep on reaching high

Never gonna stop

I'll be getting stronger.

Nothing's gonna bring me down (no!)

Never give it up gotta go, oh....yeah...

I'll keep getting strong--er.

i really don't like uncertainty.

2011-01-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

So I'm not all that excited about the new year right now.

I know. I'm a Scrooge. But I don't care, bah humbug, I say, bah humbug.

I'm the type of person who likes to know what's happening next, and to say the least the notion that I don't know where I'm going to be living in six months FREAKS ME OUT. I'm excited for when I know where I'll be going to school, because, finally, my life will be certain again.

It will be then that I will be wishing you all a happy new year. As for now, there is just little knotted up balls of stress in my tummy and random heart and ulcer palpitations.

Look for an upcoming post on my New Year's Eve festivities with Jamie, Marco, and Eli, though! That was fun. :)

learning.

2010-12-28T18:03:00.000-08:00

I have just finished watching a film that I think is important, even crucial, for every individual to watch who is of an age appropriate to do so. It had a particularly strong impact on me due to the subject matter and my connection to it, but I know without a doubt that the lessons that can be garnered from the film are applicable to every person who hopes for a more peaceful and just world in which each son and daughter of God can live freely and without worry. Mugabe and the White African depicts a struggle by Michael Campbell and his family to protect their mango farm from acquisition under the Land Reform Programme in Chegutu, Zimbabwe prior to the re-election of Robert Mugabe as "President" in 2008.

While, from watching the film, you can see the brutality that exists in Zimbabwe and the heinous crimes that are being perpetrated by a racist government, more than that you can see what is possible when, as the family repeats throughout the film, you truly trust in God. In my limited experiences in areas where human rights are not realized I have gained a testimony that it is in circumstances where everything is crumbling around you, when you cannot count on other men, the law, the country, or even a secure place to live, the only way to understand and comprehend why such things can happen is to turn towards God instead of away from Him. It is interesting to me how so many that have so much don't understand how God can let bad things happen to good people, but when I went to the places where such atrocities occur I never once heard those who were having those things happen to them complaining or asking where God was in their life. It is only through God's plan, it is only through His love and letting His light enter into your heart that peace can come. Man may try to create plans that will result in a less chaotic and more just society, but true justice only comes when each individual in the society's trying to be helped accept God into their lives and change for the better as a result of it. Heavenly Father's love, and the Savior's atonement have a healing power that will always be unmatched by anything that we can find in this world. The Savior and His example can lead individuals into acting better, into being better, and to choosing to fight for the good of the world and to rid it of the evil. There is nothing greater in life than feeling the love of the Savior, and when a soul is touched by such a redeeming love it will want to change the world and treat others as who they really are. We are all sons and daughters of God. We should not feel the need to stratify ourselves based on color, creed, nationality, religion, income, or any other separating social mechanism. Instead, we should see ourselves as spirits, not bodies, who have come to this Earth to learn how to love each other despite differences that we may see on the outside. It is only through our loving Heavenly Father that we can achieve such a feat, and that is what this film teaches the viewer. Indeed, as quote by Ben in the film, "The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe. Many seek the ruler's favour; but every man's judgment cometh from the Lord." (Proverbs 29:25-26).

I hope that I can remember, just as all who watch this film, that we can only find joy, peace, and happiness when we follow God's plan for us and that even if hard times befall us it is not due to an absence of love from our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation." (Isaiah 12:2).

impressive to me.

2010-12-13T15:06:00.001-08:00

I baked both banana bread and red velvet cake today.

Why yes, both of them didn't burn or turn hard, thank you. :) <------- why yes, this is a gigantic accomplishment for me.

my Christmas warlocks.

2010-12-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

8 points for anyone who can tell me where that's from.

Anyway, these are my Christmas warlocks (i.e. things that are trying to detract from the spirit of the season, but I won't let them)

1. Aetna letting me (and my parents know) that they're retroactively removing coverage for my doctor's visits in August.
2. Student loan repayment (all of them are due on December 23rd - is that a joke?)

That's enough for me.

But here are my Christmas awesome-stuffs! (sorry I don't have another clever name)

1. My adorable fat, three foot REAL Christmas tree that lives on our living room bookcase.
2. Christmas music station on Pandora.
3. Getting to hang out with my friends who are finally on Christmas break.
4. Building gingerbread houses.
5. The oh so cool weather.
6. Being able to celebrate the coming of my Savior to Earth.

Even though the money stuff makes me sad, cause I like to give people presents, it's taking me back to when I was little and I was super creative in making gifts and taking time to do that. There's a silver lining in everything, and this too shall pass (even if it's making my pre-ulcer do tumbles every night before bed).

day 30: a picture of me and 3 good things that have happened in the last 30 days.

2010-12-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

Brinkley and I looking at dresses. This happened for approximately 30 minutes. I love that kid.

3 good things
1. I got to go home for Thanksgiving.
2. I ate cider donuts while at home.
3. I got this new computer that you also see in the picture.

since i don't have a twitter account (and never will).

2010-12-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Why not use my blog to let you know my very thoughts and deeds right at this moment? I know, you're anxiously awaiting my every move.

1. I'm watching Scamper the Penguin. If you haven't seen it, you should. It is not only educational, but fun for all ages!

2. I still very much want In-n-Out.

3. I kind of want Bryan to buy me said In-n-Out, but he really shouldn't/doesn't need to do that since he was super sweet and brought us sicklings over at the Vergara household delicious Claro's sandwiches for lunch today. With raspberry thumbprints for dessert. Be jealous, ladies, be jealous.

4. I still have the selfish desire for In-n-Out.

5. I just discovered that Food Network does have some of their shows online (with limited episodes). Nonetheless, I'm super excited about it.

6. I've officially been asked to apply to two schools who reside within U.S. News' Top 100 History Graduate Program list. One for their Masters, and the other for their PhD. Both are in the Top 50. Woo! I am validated after feeling like I wouldn't get in anywhere about a week ago.

7. I really like living with Jamie, Marco, and Eliana. I will be sad when I move.

for the love of the mcveggie.

2010-12-02T11:15:00.000-08:00

One of the best things I ate in India was the McVeggie. It makes me sad they don't have it in America. If I'm wrong, please correct me, because I would order it over their pseudo-beef any day. I just wanted to share with you the beauty that is the McVeggie, because it makes me happy.

Aw yeah. That's the stuff. Seriously, better than anything I've ever had at McDonald's. Ever. If you've ever had one, come on, give it a shout out. It's the best!

and blogging, of course.

2010-12-01T20:03:00.001-08:00

night without the boyfriend = bubble bath, reading a dumb novel (cue jack weyland), and watching veggie tales with eliana. success? i think so.

today was an interesting day.

2010-12-01T16:29:00.000-08:00

Why?

1. I went to both Sam's Club and Stater Bros with Eliana. She was awake for Sam's and asleep for the other. I'm a champ for hauling around a 20 pound dead weight.

2. After said ordeal at Stater Bros, a large black man who was parked next to me asked me if I was single after putting Eliana in the car. Perhaps my belief that I wouldn't marry someone white has some foundation to it. I think it's because they're more accepting of my child bearing structural elements (i.e. giant hips and buttocks).

3. I found out that the Warbler's are made up, in large part, of a group at Tuft's University called The Beelzebub's. A desperate attempt for glee-ers to make themselves seem tougher? Mission not accomplished, guys. The only people who will get that reference are Biblical nerds like me who sweep that category of Jeopardy every time. EVERY TIME. (thanks early morning seminary!)

4. I have officially completed my first round of grad school applications! Second round to come in March, and with more masters programme (yes, I like to spell things the British way sometimes) applications due to my feelings of inadequacy to apply to PhD programmes after speaking to my senior thesis professor.

5. I have decided that, like Mormon Child Bride's father, I want to, one day, buy a truck load of Marie Callender's pies and deliver them to random homes. Brilliant act of kindness? Yes.

I hope your days have been equally interesting/simultaneously splendid. I promise Day 30 post will come eventually, but Day 30's post's picture was taken when I was back home by my sister, so I have to wait to steal it off of her blog once she posts.

my Christmas list.

2010-11-21T18:15:00.000-08:00

As Christmas is drawing closer, I have decided to make up a Christmas list, on my blog, of things I truly want and don't need. This may or may not have been inspired by the list of 100 Magical Gifts in my most recent issue of Real Simple Magazine.

Penguin Post Cards - box of 100 from here.

Spekuloos Spread - a peanut buttery consistent gingerbread/cinnamon spread popular in Belgium from here.

Sweater top from here

Cardigan from here.

crochet accent top from here.

cheetah skirt from here.

sweater dress from here.

do you know what this is?

2010-11-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

"Because when I showed it to Brittany she started to cry because she thought I had cut down a tiny tree where a family of gummy bears lived."

- Sue Sylvester

day 29: something i could never get tired of doing.

2010-11-16T17:33:00.000-08:00

There are actually a lot of things I could never get tired of doing over and over again. The one I will choose for this blog is one that I believe many people in my life have actually witnessed me never getting tired of it (thank you for not complaining....much). I could, quite literally, NEVER get tired of watching Food Network. Ever. I think I've watched only Food Network for an entire week with no breaks in between with other channels. I enjoy every show enough to never change it, and sleep when the bad ones come on (like the 1am shows....they're lamety lame). But other than those, I could not get tired of watching it. Ever. It's the best.

too good not to share.

2010-11-14T18:39:00.000-08:00

I went over to Bryan's house after church today, and we were contemplating what to eat. What did I come up with from the few ingredients at his house? Something delicious, that's what. I decided to use the last few meatballs from Ikea, some Crescent Rolls, some leftover pasta sauce, and some havarti cheese to make Meatball Sub Roll Ups. Yummm.

Instructions:

1. Unroll Crescent Rolls
2. Spoon some pasta sauce on base of the crescent roll triangle.
3. Place some cheese on top of the pasta sauce.
4. Place one defrosted meatball on top of the cheese.
5. Roll up into little pocket type dealios.
6. Enjoy. I think kids would like doing this too.

day 28: my favorite movie.

2010-11-14T17:15:00.000-08:00

I'm tired. We went to the San Diego Zoo yesterday with Eliana, which was super fun, but that coupled with learning about my new calling to teach Primary today and having my break in session with the Sunbeams (3-4 year olds) has led to me being uber tired and too lazy to explain why. So all you get is a picture. Name that movie.

day 27: a photo of me last year and how i have changed since then.

2010-11-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

When I was looking to find pictures of myself from last year, I first saw some unfortunate looking ones of me with Caitlin and Bryan at the Grand Canyon after a treacherous journey (thank you Caitlin and Bryan for being the fearless drivers). Luckily, after a couple of pages I came across pictures that not only sparked great memories (like the Grand Canyon pictures), but where I look semi-acceptable as well. :) The pictures are from Summer 2009, of Quaker Meadow and some good times where Candice and I were at Bryan's baseball games.

On the big rock after spending the night under the stars. Next time I visit Quaker Meadow I will come armed with proper shoes, attire, and a sleeping bag.

See how I look super tired and preggers here? It's because I am tired (not preggers, though - sorry for the lack of drama), due to the ridiculous altitude and my lack of an inhaler. Yep, I'm that much of a nerd that I not only love to research, but I have an inhaler. What up.

Candice and I at the HOTTEST baseball game ever. We ran through the sprinklers that so magically and mercifully went on halfway through the game. Thank you to whoever the groundskeeper is that chose to put them on at that time. I'd like to imagine he's a little like Hagrid.

Also taken from the came, best friends forever, Janice and Erin. Classic Starbucks.

It's weird to think how I've changed since then, because it's only been a year, but I have changed. I am now a college graduate, looking for a graduate school to accept me, and for the first time of my life uncertain where the next step in life will take me if graduate school somehow doesn't pan out. I am taking care of Eliana Bug full time right now, and through this have learned how much more important happiness and teaching others is than money and worldly success. I have a greater resolve to be involved in the betterment of the world than ever before, and I know who I am more than I did a year ago. A lot of changes are small, but I see them, and I know they are there and are for the better, for the most part. I am physically less healthy than I was a year ago, and I'm working to find out what's wrong with me, but I know those aren't the kind of changes that matter - it's the other kinds. Also, in a month I will be a redhead. :) Hacha!

day 26: a photo of somewhere i've been to.

2010-11-11T21:32:00.000-08:00

day 25: what's in my purse.

2010-11-10T23:12:00.000-08:00

At the moment?

* Carmex Strawberry Lip Balm
* ELF lip gloss
* Cell phone
* Target gift card (loose)
* Wallet
* Old Relief Society handout
* Pay stub
* Fresh & Easy receipt
* Animal Crackers
* San Diego Zoo coupons

That is all.

day 24: a photo of something that means a lot to me.

2010-11-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

This picture has hung in my room ever since I got it while I was in India. It was painted by Dhamodaran, the man holding the picture, who had leprosy and was part of the Bindu art school in the Bhadapuram Leprosy Colony. It means a lot to me for so many reasons, mostly because it reminds me of the resilience of the human spirit and the ability for anyone to share beauty with the world even when they're told they have no beauty within them or on their surface.

day 23: fifteen facts about me.

2010-11-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

1. My favorite color is yellow. Next is green. Apparently I like "gender neutral" colors.
2. Gloomy weather makes me happiest. Except not like snowy, grey weather...like rainy, cold, cloudy weather. I think I got SAD whilst living in New Jersey for ten months (partially caused by attending a school with one window).
3. If I could live anywhere in the world for the rest of my life it would be Africa (more specifically Southern Africa).

4. If I could do anything for the rest of my life it would be to work with nonprofits traveling around the world implementing self-sustainability programming.
5. I don't like spending a lot of money on most things, but I am willing to spend a lot on a good meal every once in a while.
6. I don't own any clothes I'd be willing to get dirty/ruin, I got rid of clothes like that in college since I didn't have much space.
7. The three places I want to go for a leisurely vacation are: Italy, Russia, and Hawaii. Everywhere else I think I would rather spend time in rural areas.
8. I have literally had to get back on a horse after falling off.
9. I actually enjoy reading classic novels for fun.
10. I only started enjoying to drink milk this year.
11. Swimming in the ocean scares me to death. I suppose I'll have to get over this to more thoroughly enjoy number 7's last vacation location.
12. I enjoy rhymes (see number 11's last two words).

13. I enjoy reading poetry. I especially enjoy Rumi, Walt Whitman, and T.S. Eliot.
14. I've always enjoyed animals, but it's only been in the last four years that I've realized how wonderful dogs are. (Thank you puppy day during finals week at Chapman).
15. I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and I am happy to share it with whomever desires to know more.

day 22: a letter to someone who has hurt me recently.

2010-11-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

Apparently days 22-24 get a little serious, so in my attempts to lighten up this one a bit (I think a sincere letter to someone who has actually hurt me recently would be a bit too intense for the blogosphere of Karenesia) I've decided instead to write it to the person who chose to rant to me on the phone the other day whilst I was calling to remind her to vote.

Dear Woman who Chose Not to Vote and Wanted to Let Me Know Why,

I understand that your life may be hard right now, being a 34 year old white female living in the barrio of Santa Ana (yes I do know where you live and how often you've voted in the last 4 elections), and having to deal with the ickyness of this recession and, according to you the "stupidity of all the idiots who ran things," but there is no need to call me a bad person for voting. I just wanted to vote for the people who were the least evil of all the options, because yes, I also believe that politicians are most often not all they crack themselves up to be. There is not need to yell at me, call me a moron, and tell me I shouldn't vote either just because you despise your country. I recommend that you move, un-register yourself from voting (why did you register in the first place?), and never expose anyone to your bitter self over the phone again.

That is all.

Thank You,

The Girl who Voted and Had the Audacity to Remind you to Do So as Well

day 21: a photo of something that makes me happy.

2010-11-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

I think the key in this one is "something," not someone. Big difference. In that case, something that makes me happy is, without a doubt, when I get this magazine in the mail:

Why? Because this magazine let's me think about what I would like my life to be like when I'm married, have a stable job, and am living with my own family. I may want to be saving the world one human rights resolution at a time, but I also want to have an impeccably organized kitchen, labels on many things, and happy clutter where it should be.

who can sew?

2010-11-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

because i would lurve this dress, and cannot have it.

day 20: the meaning behind my blog name.

2010-11-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

I actually think I mentioned this all the way back in post 1, but my blog name is actually me commandeering my sister, Kimi's, idea that she had in Mr. Disbennett's World History class her sophomore year in high school, all the way back in 1999. Whoah! I believe the story goes something like this, but she can correct me in the comment section if I'm wrong. She and two others had to draw a map of the world on a giant piece of butcher paper, and at a loss for part of the map, they labeled an island "Kiminesia." Thus, my blog is named Karenesia, since it is just my little island where I can say whatever I want, whenever I want.

day 19: another picture of myself.

2010-11-06T13:30:00.000-07:00

me with my two best buds from senior thesis [spence and lindsey] and our hero/senior thesis advisor, dr. robert slayton. :)

day 18: something you crave a lot.

2010-11-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

To crave = to have a great desire for. These include the following:

to have time to make my closet look like this.

to have super cute riding boots.

dove dark chocolate.

day 17: a photo of me and my family.

2010-11-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

part 1: the youngin days. i still stand like that all the time.

part 2: we're all grown up!!! (and have additions to the fam bam).

day 16: my celebrity crush.

2010-11-02T23:32:00.000-07:00

Yeah. That's right. Modern family dad. I don't even know his real name, because I don't know what he's like for realsies. I just know his character is awesome. Who's with me on this? Someone has to be.